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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2010, 10:21 AM
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Can you get a restraining order? My ex. did the same thing to me... told police I threatened to harm his new imaginary girlfriend. The police found the accusation to be unfounded and dismissed the report..she wasn't even involved with him and had nooooo interest according to the police. There are serious mental health issues involved as well, but I tell you it was scary and very upsetting. Meanwhile, he was leaving notes and knives around the matrimonial home in the weirdest places, just to freak me out!
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2010, 10:32 AM
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Venice, Great advice from Brigitte. I used to work at a women's shelter and you are very vunerable right now as you are powerful in his eyes. Please take every measure to secure your home and yourself. Don't see him alone under any circumstances. If he calls you, ask to call him back, compose yourself and be ready for battle.
If you have no criminal record, I would HOPE that the judge sees his game for what it is. Stay calm, think rationally, not emotionally and surround yourself with positive people. Please talk to a local women's shelter and get yourself set up with an outreach group.
Good luck
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Old 02-08-2010, 01:34 PM
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Thank you Mummer1962. I thought a women's shlters only help women who are being physicalle abused - can you clarify? Also, what is an outreach group? Thanks.
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Old 02-08-2010, 01:44 PM
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Quote:
Can you get a restraining order?
Amin99, Along with the false charges there is a restrarining order against me. However, he continues to contact me, not repeatedly, but contact nonetheless. We have three sons so he's using the kids as well as financial matters to try to maintain communication. I was told the only way I can get a restraining order is through the filing of criminal charges against him. If I were to file assault charges for his pushing me last summer then it will appear as if I'm doing it only to "get even", according to my lawyer. My lawyer advised me to cut off all communication and tell him to speak to my lawyer. This is what I've done but he's contacting me regarding finances and the children. I didnlt mention it earlier but he has also decided to not work since I told him I wanted a divorce - this way he can enjoy watching me pay most of our kids' expenses, including private school fees.
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Old 02-08-2010, 01:48 PM
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Quote:
I can give you a name and number of the company I'm using. They are really helpful, quick and reliable.
Hi again Brigitte,

I'm in Montreal so not sure if the company operates here? Same for the "safe house" you refer to...
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2010, 01:56 PM
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Women's shelters definitely help people in your situation. Just because he isn't physically toughing you does not mean that it isn't abuse. From my experience the mental abuse and intimdation is much more damaging than the physical abuse as it gets right into you.

Please contact a shelter. They may be able to help you with the false charges as well, especially if you have documented his behaviour over a long period of time. You do need to have a safety plan, and they will help you plan how your family will remain safe.

Good luck.
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Old 02-08-2010, 02:02 PM
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Sorry I havent read all of the posts and hope that I am not repeating.

I as well left an abusive spouse and told much of the same even to the point where he made death threats but the police told me this is an family matter and they dont get involved. Load of crap if you ask me. Your lawyer is right though that when given the truth it is unlikely you will be charged. Like everyone else is saying document everything that you can. Contact the police and if there is record of the incident you have right to see and have a copy of report.

One thing I highly reccommend though as you are not getting help from the police is to go immediately to the Justice of the peace at your court house. They can grant the restraining order immediately and will speak to and have the crown attorney step in. That is all a part of their purpose in being there.

If you feel that threatened which I'm sure you do it is very important you speak out. The law is there to protect you and the courts MUST react to all complaints of domestic abuse. Abuse is not just just limited to physical anymore, they finally recognise that it comes in many forms and there is a duty to respond. From there it will get sorted out in the end. Just too many cases have gone ignored untill too late.
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2010, 02:08 PM
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Thank you, AtALoss. I will enquire at the courthouse if I can get a restaining order. Appreciate all the advice.
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Old 02-08-2010, 02:10 PM
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Billiechic,

Thanks - I will contact a shelter for further information. Really appreciate all the advice.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2010, 04:07 PM
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As others have said you are definitely able to get services from a women's shelter. Mental and emotional abuse are more harmful on some ways than physical abuse.
An outreach program is usually for women who have left an abusive situation and are not staying at the shelter. A counsellor usually helps women with adjusting to their new life and developing safety strategies. Groups are usually held which teach assertivenss, self esteem etc. and how to help children who witnessed abuse.
Call your local women's shelter for more info.
Good luck.
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