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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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Old 07-02-2009, 03:31 PM
ree ree is offline
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When I had to get a lawyer to deal with the CS, I chose one that I felt was 'upfront' because with an earlier, work related issue - he didn't try to take me down the garden path. What I mean by that is he said 'you can fight it, but in the end you will spend more money than you will get out of being right'. So, when I needed a lawyer, I believed that he was the one that would say it like it is.

The issue was around CS, my ex was, in my opinion, opening up our separation agreement, and trying to go back on 4 years of CS. When we signed the separation agreement, it was agreed I would pay less CS in exchange for not taking my share of the equity in the matrimonial home (It was a considerable amount, and would have required him to sell the home - move the kids, and force his elderly parents out of the home too - we all lived together.) We also had agreed that I way pay the ex CS, and also provide 'support' to my kids so that they would see that I was directly supporting them. I kept track of all of those 'items, funds' given to the kids directly

My lawyer basically told me I was out of luck, that the ex could open CS at any time, go to the tables retroactively - and I could not bring the equalization trade off into the equation. He also advised me that what I had provided to the kids for the prior 4 years would not be considered.

As time goes on, I feel less and less comfortable that all is 'right', but, he's the lawyer, and I had trusted him.

In the end, we go forward with the tables, but not retroactively - because the Case Conference Judge said there was a ruling (?) that parent can't claim retro CS for adult children. The judge also allowed that I had, indeed, disbursed directly to the kids.

The marriage breakdown, after 18 years, was because of death threats and assaults - he was convicted, and got probation. At the time, I was on EI, and the ex provided no help to me at all - and since there was 'no contact bail conditions' involved, I was left to fend for myself. The separation agreement came a year later.

My lawyer had given me an estimate of about $2000, provided we didn't go to court, which we didn't. My ex, who also covered the actual 'divorce' paid about $3500 for all of this. After we're done, I get a bill from my lawyer - $4600., and that is with a discount for being a 'preferred' client - whatever that is. Keep in mind I paid no costs for the divorce, the ex did. I now make about $22,000 a year.

About a month after it's all settled, I find out that my lawyer has a restraining order against him - and is dealing with harrassment and assault charges filed by his ex wife.

Makes me wonder what was going through his head when I was in his office trying to explain how an abusive husband feels he has the power and the right to do whatever he wants, and feels his actions don't warrent consequences, and how damaging that was to my self-esteem - and how hard it was dealing with all of it.
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Old 07-02-2009, 06:24 PM
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Jeff...among the above listed reasons women stay with the abuser...

THEY WERE NEVER TAUGHT WHAT UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR IS...GREW UP NOT KNOWING TRUE LOVE OR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
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