Will we ever have a good life?

[Everest369]

Thanks for the reply.

I am wondering if I could get some feedback regarding the legalities involved with our situation. I would also love to hear from other woman who are involvled/married to a man going through a legal battle with his ex.

Legally speaking, something doesn't seem right regarding the fact that my income will come into consideration when I do work, but when I cannnot work as is the situation right now, there is no consideration for my needs financially. This man and I plan to marry. If we have to live in a ditch together then we will. If we got married tomorrow, then wouldn't I be entitled to support as his wife, just as his ex is entitled to support now and was while they were married?

[jlalex]

Everest369, I understand where you are coming from. I'm in a somewhat similar situation with my CL husband, we've been together 8 years, and he has been seperated for over 9 years. This past fall he finally filed divorce papers on his ex who then lost her mind and decided to ask for spousal support and sole custody.

We both make pretty good money now after a lot of years of hard work..when we met we both worked minimum wage jobs..and its hard to think of all the years of hard work to get where we are just to have her come along and benefit from it when all she does is contribute misery to our lives.

Hang in there, I know its a horrible thing to be going through, but you can still have a good life. In our circumstance our lawyer has said that they usually only take a new spouses income into account if the payor is deliberately underemployeed..but then again you can never tell with courts and spousal support..it seems more often than not there is a lack of expectation for people to be personally responsible..sad but true.

[Everest369]

Hi Jlalex

Thank you for the reply.

Currently we are trying to fill out the financial statment. We are unsure of how to proceed because our monthly financial needs are greater due to there being an extra person in the household - me. When you filled out your financial statment, did you do so including the extra cost associated with you being another person to feed, meds, gas, car insurance etc?

I ask this to the entire group as well. If you are with a new partner, married or common-law, do/did you include the extra expense of that person on your financial statements?

It's good to hear from someone who is familiar with the struggles of being the new or second partner. I understand that it's very difficult for all parties involved, but I feel that we are also victims of an unjust system.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. It helps me to understand and it's good to know we're not alone.

[jlalex]

Hey Everlast, in regards to the extra person staying in the household, if it was a long term arrangement then yes I would include it in the financial statement, assuming the 'other' side is using the total household income as a basis of means for determining spousal. But if you don't want to do that I think you can just show your porportional expenses but you should check with the lawyer to be certain. I think the lawyer will review your financial statement with you as well just to make sure its correct ( at least both times I've filled one out the lawyers always reviewed it with me).

As well as in my case being the second income provider in my home I will have to submit my own financial statement. It makes me very uncomfortable, but law is law.

Good luck and try to remember to enjoy life a little bit!

Jlalex

[Everest369]

Thanks for the reply Jlalex. I appreciate your support and advice!

[KScull]

I am in a similar situation going on 11 years.
The family law system is not fair, and probably never will be in my lifetime.
I too face a situation where the amount of support depends on my income, to date; the ex does not know I have returned to work. But yes your income comes into play when it comes to the child of the first marriage, they do not even consider the children in the second relationship, whether married or CL. If I could find case law supporting the second family rights I would certainly use them. I feel for you and your situation. I'd leave my guy in a heart beat if I was ordered to indirectly forfeit my hard earned income to support anyone other than my own children!!!