Will we ever have a good life?

[Everest369]

I have been in a common law relationship with my partner for two years. He has been separated from his ex for 3.5 years. He is going through a divorce battle with his ex that seems as though it will never end.

I got sick this past year and had major surgery. I do not work currently or for the past year due to ill health. I also recently found out that I have a heart condition and I am due to see a specialist in a couple of weeks.

My partner and I live as husband and wife. We have joint bank accounts and we share a vehicle. We want to be married and we hope to have children together as soon as we find out how serious my condition is and as soon as his divorce is finally over with.

We are concerned because his ex is seeking spousal support. He is currently paying his child support according to what his lawyer told him he has to.

However, he is also supporting me as well. We have no choice right now as I simply cannot work. We are concerned because his ex is also seeking SS and if she were to get that he could lose about 50% of his income. This includes the combination of SS and CS.

Basically this would leave us with about 23 thousand per year to live on. We have no benefits either.

He is a very wonderful man. He works hard and takes care of us very well. He loves his children and wants to support them, and he does this without hesitation. However he is concerned because he realizes that he cannot support us, and his ex.

I guess our question is, if he is in a relationship with me that is clearly of permanence, and I am too sick to work, then would his ex still get the same SS as if I didn't exist? We understand the theory of "first family first" but how is someone supposed to support their new family if the "first" family has taken all their financial resources? I do not mean Child Support either, just spousal support.

I am very worried. So is he. We just want to move on with life and be happy but we know that we will have a very rough life if we have to live on $23,000 per year. Especially with my health being poor right now. We have even talked about not ever having children together because we couldn't afford it, even though we very much desire to have a child together. We love each other very much. We have a beautiful and caring relationship and I tresure this man dearly. We are scared and confused at this point and we don't know what to expect.

This is a very nice forum and I hope it can help us with some of our concerns. Thank You.

Everest

[Everest369]

Hello, I am wondering if anyone knows of a good place to find support for someone in a situation such as mine. I guess that are not a lot of people goiong through commonlaw situations within this group as no one has replied to my original post. Does anyone know of a group for people with commonlaw issues relating to divorce?

Thank You

[Sk8r]

The man comes with a past. You want him to support you. His ex wants him to support her. He can't possibly support all of you. Wouldn't it be easier if we all just supported ourselves. What would you do if you were not in a relationship?

Sorry if I sound harsh. I am in a similar position to you. My CL spouse hands over 75% of his income to his ex for SS and CS. I don't like it. It limits OUR life. But I knew that going in. I don't expect him to pay for me, I support myself.

[Everest369]

Sure it would be easier if we all supported ourself. In a perfect world that would be ideal for everyone. However, I got sick well into my relationship with my partner. Had I been living alone, I could seek support from my Province to see me through this hard time, but as we are living in a commonlaw relationship that is no longer an option for me. Don't you think I would love to be able to support myself? I didn't ask to get sick. I didn't ask for a tumor to invade my body and render me helpless. I had no idea going into this relationship that I would end up as sick as I now am.

I need support too. I guess I can forget about getting that here.

I do have one question for you. What would you do if you suddenly became so ill that it was impossible for you to work? How would that affect you considering your partner pays out 75% of his income to his ex? Don't you think you'd be just as scared as I am? Don't you think that you'd be disheartened to get a reply such as the one you gave me? I sure am.

[Sk8r]

I am truly sorry that I have offended you and I am also sorry for your illness.

But my point is simply that going into the relationship, you knew that he would have limited means. You accepted that when you began the relationship. Now that you have been rendered incapable of working, you want to change the rules.

I am not saying by ANY means that the rules are right, but they are what they are and his responsibility is to his first family. The fact that you are suffering a personal tragedy, while harsh, doesn't change the rules.

What would I do? Well, I have LTD insurance for starters, so that would get me through 24 months. But yes, of course I would be scared, but I also know that no change in MY financial situation will change the fact that he has to pay CS and SS. Plus I have children of my own so I have made certain that they will be taken care of should anything happen to me.

[Taestoy]

Just a tip...a friend of mine who left his wife and kids and whose wife did not work didn't have to pay for spousal support to her because mathematically the #'s didn't add up and he couldn't afford to also pay the spousal support....so with that being said even though his ex is going for the support it doesn't mean she will get it. It all goes my income and if the #'s don't add up and it shows he can't do it then she doesn't get it. Can you file for support to the province without claiming your common law?

[OB1]

First of all someone should not depend on someone else to support them. I myself have been ordered to pay ss to my fricking lazy ex. Well i haven't done so and when the day comes that i have to give her 60 percent of my wages that will be the day I retire for good. The problem is the current family law system. SS should be limited to a maximum of 1 to 2 years not life.
In your case your sick, and it must be very difficult for you and my heart goes out to you. Unfortuntely his greedy ex wife is killing him fiancially. Hes better of quiting his job and working for cash. I'm sure he will have more take home pay if he cleans dishes in the back of some filthy kitchen.. The law must change, before it's to late. Maybe we need a revolt.
In the case of child support I fully agree with it. The children shouldn't suffer. However, it should be standard practice to have both parents involved in thier lives equally. I'll see you n Bahamas

[Taestoy]

Those cash jobs are very hard to find these days not that easy as people may think. But I agree it would be much easier that way. The scarey thing about ss is after a divorce is even granted years later the ex spouse can file for it if they so choose to a long time after the fact.....now isn't that scary!!!! I feel once a divorce is granted it should all be a done deal!

T

[Everest369]

Hi group,

Thank you for your various input. I have something to add.

We've been told that when I do go back to work, which I sure hope is possible, that my income will come into consideration when factoring in his ability to pay spousal support. We've been advised that if I make money to contribute to the household, then his ability to pay more SS will go up.

So why is it that the only time that I matter in this whole mess is when I have money? What about now, when I don't have the money? It seems to me that what's good for the goose should be good for the gander, don't you think?

How is it fair that there is no consderation taken for me when I am in need, yet they will take my existance in his life to be valid only when I have money?

I can understand that when I am earning and contributing to our household that it would make his ability to pay her SS more feaseable. But how can they possibly say I don't matter when I'm ill and cannot earn money to contribute? Why is it that the only time I come into the equasion is then?

I'm very concerned and scared. I would really like to have some legal input if anyone is able to help me understand this from that perspective. Thank you group.

[Sk8r]

Unfortunately, the law and what make sense to the ordinary person are rarely the same thing in family law - ESPECIALLY when it comes to spousal support. The law was created from an over-generalized idea and cannot account for individual situations.