What is fair?

[engel]

Hi. Hope someone can help shed some light into my situation.

3 years ago, I let my now-ex move in with me. I own my house and she is not on title. At the time she was going to school, but she has just recently finished. For a while at first, she paid "rent", but that stopped. She would buy stuff for the house, but I mostly paid for everything.

Now the relationship is over but she is after me for money. She wants me to pony up a "fair" amount. But what is fair?!?! I don't feel like I owe anything. Is there anything I can do? How much and for how long will I have to shell out?

I look forward to anyone's comments! Thx!

[standing on the sidelines]

as far as the house goes, it is yours. She paid rent for a while so she was acting as a tenant for that period. So how long did she pay rent for??

What is she asking for as a "fair amount"?? Does she have the means to furnish a new place?

I would offer to help her with first/last months rent on a place she can afford and maybe if your income allows it, take her shopping for some of the stuff she will need for her new place. I am thinking that you are not legally obligated to do anything for her but it may help her with closure. Sometimes it is better to give a little now just to prevent issues later.

[billm]

Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines

as far as the house goes, it is yours. She paid rent for a while so she was acting as a tenant for that period. So how long did she pay rent for??

What is she asking for as a "fair amount"?? Does she have the means to furnish a new place?

I would offer to help her with first/last months rent on a place she can afford and maybe if your income allows it, take her shopping for some of the stuff she will need for her new place. I am thinking that you are not legally obligated to do anything for her but it may help her with closure. Sometimes it is better to give a little now just to prevent issues later.

I agree, great reply sots

A 'fair amount' for what specifically?

[engel]

She only paid rent for the first year we were together. What is really frustrating is she won't tell me what she thinks is "fair". She wants me to go "think about it". I mainly feel she is angry that we didn't work out our issues and she's wasted her time. But the last thing I want to do is drag it out cause all her friends, who she says, are knowledgeable in these legal manners, are advising she can get something out of me.

[billm]

Okay, she is asking you to decide. That is great as you can rationally think about it. Think of it as a business relationship. Promises and expectations are contracts. All contracts have a termination clause. It works both ways. If she lived off you, then it was an understanding that you support her, but now that you are split, the deal is done. If she became dependent on you, then some financial help to move into another place etc, may be fair. It really should not be that hard for you to understand what is fair - it does not matter what the courts or her gfs say - you lived it, you know the deal. You probably owe her nothing in reality. Its not like you were married. Who are these people who live off of someone and then expect it to continue when you break up? Crazy. Friends always tell you what you want to hear. Forget her gfs. You know what to do. Be fair, be honourable, be true to yourself.

[standing on the sidelines]

If you decide to give her some money to get started again, Maybe it is a good idea to either get her to sign something or write on the check that it is a one time settlement payment full and final. That way she cannot come back later when her friends get in her ear again and try to get more.

[enoughalready]

Don't pay her nothing. I'm sure she will take you to course for support eventually anyway. You think I'm joking just wait. Family law in our country is like rolling the dice. She may get a Judge that says you took the responsibility back when you let her move back it. I've heard it happening to a guy in my city they divorced and the wife remarried. The wifes new husband dies, she takes the first husband back to court and gets support. The Judge stated marriage is a life long committment. It sound rediculous and I have no real facts on it , but the way our system works who knows. I'll see what I can dig up. Good luck.

[engel]

Thanks for all the encouraging advice.

[got2bkid]

Giving her nothing is fair. She would have paid rent elsewhere anyway, plus you gave her a good deal it seems. She's already had a "fair" deal.

I also moved into my ex boyfriends home many years ago. I helped him pay the mortgage, also helped him renovate (financially and physically). His home skyrocketed in price due to timing, but when we broke up I never even gave a thought to if he "owed" me anything. It was my choice to live with him, in his house, even to help him fix it up. He made a smart decision when he bought the house for a good deal, why should I profit? Anyway, just my 2 cents.

[Max22258]

First of all you must calculate the equity in the house, if this is not much, you may be fighting in court for nothing as it will cost you the same then the equity you owed her. What I was told by the judge we live for 8 years, my case is very strong, but she is looking for unjust enrichment. She did not pay any rent or mortgage etc. But still we calculated the equity and that alone will save in lawyer fee, as per the judge advice. So the amount was only 8000, even though I had 50,000 in equity buildup. Think about it as this may buy you peace and lawyer fee.