need some light on cs, ss, custody, visitations, passports

[roamingfree]

Hello everyone,

This is my first time posting, after pouring over a lot of threads.
This will be somewhat lengthy, but please be patient.

My ex and I separated 3 years ago after 10 years of common law. We have 2 children, aged 5 & 7. I was a stay at home for 4 years from the time the first one was born, leaving behind career in corporate administration. Upon our separation we both signed a notarized agreement that the children will be in my sole care. He moved out and moved in with his new girlfriend. In the beginning he would pay $1800 for rent for matrimonial home plus $300 for kids groceries. His girlfriend got pregnant in June, they married in October. From the moment they marriage took place he dropped the support to $842, which he said is all he can and will pay, Child support only according to the table. I lost the house and had to actually borrow money from my now deceased grandmother for rent of the said house, from which I was evicted for his constant non payment or late payment ever since he moved in with his new girlfriend, as well as for rent for a 2 bedroom apartment. Now he is having a child #2, and while I moved from Toronto to another city to lower the cost of living while not diminishing the kids standard of living further, he now said that he will only pay $500.
He moved last year to a town 500 km away from the kids, quit his very high paying employment he held for 12 years, bought a restaurant/cafe in another town for cash with only about 30K bank loan.
He sees the kids only during Xmas and summer for about 4-6 days at a time, with exception of this summer in August for 12 days. While the kids go to his place for those times, he 90% of the time is at work and the kids stay with his new wife. I have never met the woman or spoken to her aside for one time about 9-10 years ago briefly at a bar. My kids say that she hit them several times this summer. This came out on their own accord and they are not kids who will make up stories. I have further asked them in a non accusatory way, but making sure they feel safe and I truly believe they tell the truth. I have had a conversation with our family doctor and he believes it's true. The doc tor said that if I need any documents written he will be more than happy to help me. He has been our family physician for many years. My ex has also 2 other children form previous 2 legal marriages. One is a 21 year old daughter whose custody was taken away from him when she was about 3-4. he has no contact with her and has never participated in her life, nor paid any child support for her to my best knowledge. He also has a 15 year old son whom he stopped seeing once he and I separated and that is also the time he stopped paying support for him, based on one time IE claim with 22,000/year while he was making all through out above 60K. His son's mother remarried and has recently moved to US with her husband of 8 years and my ex just signed notarized travel permission (after refusing for many years) for their son to move permanently to US.

So, what I would like to ask is, if the court will uphold the sole custody based on our previous agreement as well as his full lack of any involvement in any decisions pertaining to our two kids upbringing, their activities, moves, health guard and what not. Will the court bring me back the spousal support and child support to at least the $1800 as before. Or what can be the amount? I know he will be audited, but he has a history of hiding income and I already was warned by him that he will claim only 15K. I would also like to have the passports signed so I can travel with kids and have court ordered permission for kids to travel under my care for unlimited time. I moved close to the border and want to take the kids shopping. I don't have any family in this country aside for my mother in Toronto, but all ties are here, since I have lived here for over 22 years now. No one from his family is involved with the kids - he never kept any family ties.
I also want his access limited to either under supervision, because when I confronted him with child abuse from his wife through email, without saying anything what the girls are saying and in what way, this was the very first time I got immediate response within 3 minutes him saying that I'm laying and I'm just saying it to be mean. The girls do not want to go there again. They want to see him, but not if he is at work. I do not want my kids to be near that woman, but at the same time I do not trust him not to leave them with her again.
There is also a no contact order because he assaulted me on Valentines day in 2009 after he came home drunk.

Any insight and any help will be greatly appreciated it.

Thank you very kindly.

[NBDad]

My ex and I separated 3 years ago after 10 years of common law. We have 2 children, aged 5 & 7. I was a stay at home for 4 years from the time the first one was born, leaving behind career in corporate administration. Upon our separation we both signed a notarized agreement that the children will be in my sole care.

and have you since returned to work? Even to a McJob?

He moved out and moved in with his new girlfriend.

Not relevant unless the girlfriend is a raging drug fiend with a criminal record a mile long. And even then only if you can both prove that, AND prove she's s documented danger to the kids.

In the beginning he would pay $1800 for rent for matrimonial home plus $300 for kids groceries. His girlfriend got pregnant in June, they married in October. From the moment they marriage took place he dropped the support to $842, which he said is all he can and will pay, Child support only according to the table.

All he is OBLIGATED to pay is CS according to tables, plus a pro rata share of special expenses.

I was evicted for his constant non payment or late payment ever since he moved in with his new girlfriend, as well as for rent for a 2 bedroom apartment.

Don't rely on the ex for your bills...EVER. Make sure you can survive on YOUR OWN. The reason here is pretty obvious, if you count on the CS to get by day to day, you can (and sadly, often will be) screwed if he messes around with it. If your budget cannot survive without the ex's CS...you are living beyond your means and are doing it wrong. There are a number of helpful financial organizations that may be able to assist you with budgetting/etc.

Now he is having a child #2, and while I moved from Toronto to another city to lower the cost of living while not diminishing the kids standard of living further, he now said that he will only pay $500.

He should be paying CS based on the tables.

He moved last year to a town 500 km away from the kids, quit his very high paying employment he held for 12 years, bought a restaurant/cafe in another town for cash with only about 30K bank loan.

Ok, you have a couple of options here, none of them overly fun. What is he currently making? (Ie. what is his owner draw as salary for the business?). He'd have to report this as income on his NOA.

You can do 1 of 3 main things here:

1. Request his most recent NOA and use THAT line 150 amount to calculate support according to the tables. (if he's making < min wage full time hours, you argue he's purposely underemploying himself)

2. You argue he be imputed a wage equal to his earning capacity. THIS is a tough sell. He has a right to move on with his life, and if he's bought a business and is able to make money with it, then he has the right to do so and can fight being imputed an income.

3. If you believe he is hiding income in the business, you can alternately hire a forensic accountant to go over his books to determine the real value. This can cost several thousand dollars and unless you suspect he's hiding mucho buckos thru the business...not worth it.

My kids say that she hit them several times this summer. This came out on their own accord and they are not kids who will make up stories. I have further asked them in a non accusatory way, but making sure they feel safe and I truly believe they tell the truth.

You didn't do anything right away, therefore it's currently your word against theirs. Next time it happens, document the crap out of it, and if it's serious enough, call CAS and/or the police and request a TRO.

I have had a conversation with our family doctor and he believes it's true. The doc tor said that if I need any documents written he will be more than happy to help me. He has been our family physician for many years.

Not relevant, unless there were marks/permanent injuries. But if that was the case, the doctor is legally obligated to report it to CAS. Since this sounds like it did not happen, I'm going to assume there weren't any marks that would prove or disprove these allegations.

My ex has also 2 other children form previous 2 legal marriages. One is a 21 year old daughter whose custody was taken away from him when she was about 3-4. he has no contact with her and has never participated in her life, nor paid any child support for her to my best knowledge. He also has a 15 year old son whom he stopped seeing once he and I separated and that is also the time he stopped paying support for him, based on one time IE claim with 22,000/year while he was making all through out above 60K. His son's mother remarried and has recently moved to US with her husband of 8 years and my ex just signed notarized travel permission (after refusing for many years) for their son to move permanently to US.

None of this is relevant information.

So, what I would like to ask is, if the court will uphold the sole custody based on our previous agreement as well as his full lack of any involvement in any decisions pertaining to our two kids upbringing, their activities, moves, health guard and what not.

Most likely you will get sole custody w/ primary residence/decision making and he will get access based on the existing status quo.

Will the court bring me back the spousal support and child support to at least the $1800 as before.

See a lawyer. Amount can vary hugely. You may or may not be entitled to it, and that's the first hurdle. You were out of the workforce for 4 years? Assuming on mat leave for the first 10 months, so you lost 3 years of work experience. All in all you didn't lose a huge amount of seniority. Have you returned to work? Entitlement to spousal support is NOT automatic, hell even the PROVINCE you are in can make a difference.

When a separation occurs, the standard's of living do NOT stay the same on either side, nor is it reasonable to expect that to continue. Your children are old enough they are in school, so there is NO reason for you not to work. If you are earning close to what you were before, at most you lost 3 years of seniority. Instead, during those 3 years you benefited from his higher salary, etc. This will be what he argues. Your earning capacity was NOT unduly affected by staying at home the 4 years AND he already gave you way more than he was supposed to, in order to help you transition.

I know he will be audited, but he has a history of hiding income and I already was warned by him that he will claim only 15K.

If he's only drawing 15K after a number of years and has a home/assets/etc that would place him far beyond those means, you request that a forensic audit be done of his business. It's going to cost you several thousand dollars though, so unless he's hiding a HUGE amount of money, it'll cost you more in fees that you will recoup.

I would also like to have the passports signed so I can travel with kids and have court ordered permission for kids to travel under my care for unlimited time.

You would include this in your motion. It's pretty standard.

I also want his access limited to either under supervision, because when I confronted him with child abuse from his wife through email, without saying anything what the girls are saying and in what way, this was the very first time I got immediate response within 3 minutes him saying that I'm laying and I'm just saying it to be mean.

Unless you can PROVE the allegations, you won't get it. Your word against his. He said she said....good luck with that.

The girls do not want to go there again. They want to see him, but not if he is at work.

How much of that is YOUR feelings on the matter bleeding through?

I do not want my kids to be near that woman, but at the same time I do not trust him not to leave them with her again.

Next time it happens, ask for a TRO, call the police and/or CAS. You can TRY to request this as a clause in any motion you make for custody/access/etc, but without hard evidence to back it up, you will likely NOT get it unless he agrees to it.

Now go back and read your post. "I want" "I" "I" "I".....get this straight....it's not about YOU. It's NOT about HIM. It's about the kids. You will have MUCH better success on a legal front if you can keep that foremost in your head. Judge's don't give a tiny rat's ass about the "I" stuff. The side that presents the most reasonable, logical, and child focused argument, WITH actual evidence to back those arguments up...will likely win.

There is also a no contact order because he assaulted me on Valentines day in 2009 after he came home drunk.

Only relevant as it pertains to exchanges. Obviously going to need someone else to do them. Someone can be a shitty partner, but still be a decent parent.

I would recommend you seek legal counsel first and foremost. If you are not already, you will want to return to the workforce asap. If you require child care to return to work, he is obligated for a pro rata share of the cost.

Request his latest Notice of Assessment and calculate child support off that.

I would also urge you to seek counselling services for yourself and your children. You come across (understandably) as upset and overwhelmed. Your children would benefit from it as well, if nothing more than to help them with going to their father's....until you can prove they in danger, you cannot withhold them.

[roamingfree]

thank you for your response. There is some clarifications though, my younger child just begun to go to school full time this September. Prior to that she was in school for 2.5 hours per day. That left with me not working for 7 years right now. This year, because they are both in school full time, I have started to look for work. The cost of daycare where I am is not $2000 per month as it is in Toronto. The kids relationship is solely based on my support of it. They do not want to go, because they do not want to be there while he is at work. When a child tells you at night: "mama, I don't ever want to go to daddy's again" at first it's normal to dismiss it because they just missed their home. I have supported his relationship with his son for 10 years. That ended with our separation, I on the other hand still have a good, strong relationship with my stepson and his mother.
He refused to cover any child care, back to school costs, any winter clothing or spring/summer clothing, any cost of birthday parties, tutoring that was and still is urgently needed for one child as she is dyslexic and had a mild ADD, eyeglass & dental care for the kids, he refused to uphold their extracurricular activities: dance, skating, piano, and swimming. These kids had above and beyond. They were growing up in a very well to do neighborhood, with that said I have not lived above my means, and they are not spoiled when it comes to anything. They have never even went for any holidays in their life aside for one camping trip 2 years ago. So, no there is no living beyond means at all.
Anyways, I wanted to know if this is going to get stabilized somewhat and if the court will take into consideration that he has been claiming a false income previously, had his wages garnished and license suspended because of previous unpaid support and if the previous child custody cases with his two older kids will have any affect on my case.

[NBDad]

This year, because they are both in school full time, I have started to look for work.

Kudos to you. That's a good thing.

The kids relationship is solely based on my support of it. They do not want to go, because they do not want to be there while he is at work. When a child tells you at night: "mama, I don't ever want to go to daddy's again" at first it's normal to dismiss it because they just missed their home.

You still have an obligated as the custodial parent to encourage their relationship with their father, and to enforce any court ordered agreement. They go, whether they want to or not, until they are old enough to have input in the decision. (typically around 12 years old, more likely 14)

He refused to cover any child care, back to school costs, any winter clothing or spring/summer clothing, any cost of birthday parties, tutoring that was and still is urgently needed for one child as she is dyslexic and had a mild ADD, eyeglass & dental care for the kids, he refused to uphold their extracurricular activities: dance, skating, piano, and swimming.

Back to school costs, clothing, and parties are included in the child support amounts.

The child care, eyeglasses, dental care, and possibly the tutor (if you have documentation to support a private tutor is needed, though the school district should be assisting with this anyway) are special expenses and he should be contributing a proportional share to them upon you providing him receipts.

The extracurriculars are a grey area....depending on the circumstances of the family, he may or may not be expected to contribute a proportional share. That being said, there ARE organizations out there that will help with this if you apply for it.

Anyways, I wanted to know if this is going to get stabilized somewhat and if the court will take into consideration that he has been claiming a false income previously, had his wages garnished and license suspended because of previous unpaid support and if the previous child custody cases with his two older kids will have any affect on my case.

This would be relevant info towards him being imputed an income at his old level, and for it to be done through FRO or other provincial maintenance enforcement organization. The prior custody cases aren't really relevant. The fact he has hidden income/etc would be a point in your argument to have him imputed an income.

You need a decent lawyer. Check with Legal Aid to see if you qualify, and/or get in touch with the FLIC office for your area. There are places you can call and things you can do to get the ball rolling. You need a separation agreement that addresses custody, access and special expenses.

[roamingfree]

thank you. I really appreciate it. I found a decent lawyer with right credentials - let's hope things will work out for the best. I'm glad that it's in courts hands now.