My Situation

[ONdad]

We are a common-law couple, been together 12 years with one step-daughter ,21, and one daughter, who is 11

Years ago, while working at 2 different companies, I didn’t have any RRSP benefits. STBX and I decided that it made the most sense to have her contribute to an RRSP through her job as she had RRSP matching available. We maxed out the employer contribution each year. I ,stupidly, suggested this as it was a way to double the RRSP contributions thanks to her employers’ matching amounts.
In 2003 STBX received a settlement from her former company. We agreed that she would have them deposit approximately $40,000 into her RRSPs, so that she wouldn’t be taxed on the settlement.

I have done extensive renovations on our house, including re-wiring, re-plumbing, plaster repair, re-grouting, installing marble and ceramic tiles, flooring, installing a bathroom in the basement, building a rec room in the basement, installing a new hot water heater, and many small jobs. The renovations alone would have cost well over $100,000 if done by a contractor.

Since we’ve been together I have done everything possible to repair things myself. Our vehicles, which we’ve kept for at least 12 years, have been repaired by me many times. I have also fixed the stove, dryer, washing machine, coffee maker, iron, vacuum cleaner, and computer, saving thousands of dollars. Last year I spent almost a month fighting our insurance company for a fair settlement for STBX’s car. I was able to get a settlement of $23,000 after the insurance company offered $15,000, but all of the money went into STBX’s savings account.

We have also contributed to an RESP over the years. Much of the money came out of the separate bank account that STBX set up. She kept telling me that it was our savings account and that she would have me added to it, but she never did. The money that was in the separate bank account came directly from our joint bank account. Since we had been using only one account for everything for years and didn’t have separate finances until late last year, I think that I should be credited with half the amount in the RESP when it comes to determining university funding.

STBX also removed almost all of the money from our bank account last August, about $14000. From August until March of this year, all of my income went to house expenses while STBX only put in the balance of what we needed, allowing her to save thousands a month. .

Currently, STBX makes at least $172k while I make $67k. She also has a car provided by her company and they pay all the gas, insurance, and upkeep. I know that she was planning on bulking up the work-use portion of the mileage to avoid having it considered a taxable benefit. She gets her bonus notice in December and it’s paid out in January, so she knows what she’ll make for the coming year.

So, after all that, what it boils down to is this:

1. STBX told me that she gets everything except ½ the house. She keeps the RRSP, all of her pension, ½ the house, and all of the money she’s saved and taken from the joint account.

2. We will be sharing custody on a week on/week off schedule.

3. She will pay me the off-set table amount of CS {when we first talked about it she said that she wouldn’t pay CS and that, if I asked for it, she’d quit her job and make me pay her. She said that she’d also go after me for CS for her 21 year old. I told her to go talk to another lawyer, which cleared up that misunderstanding.}

4. She may buy the house but she’ll never let me buy the house.

I go in to see my lawyer next week. I know that, under common-law unions, I’m only entitled to ½ the house. If I want anything else, I’ll have to pursue it as constructive or resulting trust. Given the circumstances, with my sweat equity in the home, joint decisions on all RRSP and pension plan investments, major career damage due to electing to have her get a job in ON ,although we could never have foreseen how bad it would be, and all the help and support of her career, I’m hoping that the division of assets will be a little fairer, but I know that it would be a fight. I’d like to know what you people think about:

1. My chances of getting more than ½ the house.

2. My chances of getting some of the money back that she took from the account or was able to save because I was paying out all of my salary while she has, at best guess, between $55-65k in the bank while I’ve got $83.

3. My chances of getting some of the RRSP and RESP money.

4. The likelyhood of having 1/2 the RESP count as part of my contribution.

Sorry for the huge post, but I wasn’t sure what to separate out.

[billiechic]

You should get half of whatever was made or spent during the marriage.
Have you talked to a lawyer yet?

[NBDad]

1. STBX told me that she gets everything except ½ the house. She keeps the RRSP, all of her pension, ½ the house, and all of the money she’s saved and taken from the joint account.

Split, split, split. It was acquired during the relationship. The funds she removed from the JOINT account you will get 50% of them back. You are entitled to 50% of the net value of the assets in the relationship. You have a good case to go after the pension/RRSP amounts (as your career suffered from your inability to find full time work, since she was travelling so much). The RESP should be split between you as your "contributions".

2. We will be sharing custody on a week on/week off schedule.

*shrug* why not. I assume this is not an issue for you.

3. She will pay me the off-set table amount of CS {when we first talked about it she said that she wouldn’t pay CS and that, if I asked for it, she’d quit her job and make me pay her. She said that she’d also go after me for CS for her 21 year old. I told her to go talk to another lawyer, which cleared up that misunderstanding.}

That's fair. It's also the law.

4. She may buy the house but she’ll never let me buy the house.

She gets exactly 50% of a say. You get the other. If she won't let you buy the house, then she can buy YOU out of your share. End result is the same, one or the other will get the home, or if you cannot agree, the home will be sold and the proceeds split.

[ONdad]

Originally Posted by billiechic

You should get half of whatever was made or spent during the marriage.
Have you talked to a lawyer yet?

Well, I agree with you, but that's not common-law. Basically, whatever is in her name is hers and whatever is in my name is mine. I have to fight for anything that's in her name, which won't be cheap.

I went into this relationship thinking it would be a partnership and it was until I lost my job. After that, she feels she supported me, so she keeps everything else. I don't think it's fair, but I'm not sure how expensive it will be to fight for a slice of it.

I have seen a lawyer, but I've just paid half the retainer, so I haven't had a specific, strategic discussion with him. That said, he told me that I'd have to weigh the value of going after that money. I have almost no money after my retainer is paid, so I'm worried about paying the lawyer after it's used up already, let alone adding more cost.

I also have to be able to get along with her for the next 6 or so years, so I've got to weigh her reaction and bitterness against any possible gain for me.

I do think I'm entitled to half of the property we've accumulated, and I certainly don't think that she 'deserves' to walk away with almost 3 times what I do. Has anyone here ever been successful or known someone who was successful in getting some of their ex's assets in a common-law case?

[blinkandimgone]

Alternatively, if she doesn't feel the two of you were a partnership which would entitle you to equalization of the assets, have you considered presenting her with a bill for the contractor/repair work you provided for 'her' assets?

It would seem to me that if she refuses to acknowledge you as her partner then basically you're the hired help and she has quite the bill for all of your services. She can't have it both ways and will have to choose ne or the other, either you were her partner or not. Either one will 'cost' her some for a settlement.

Just a thought. Make sure to get a lawyer who has plenty of experience with common law issues.

[billiechic]

Given the long-term relationship and the fact that you havean 11 year old daughter together blurs the lines between common law and marriage. While legally you are not entitled to sharing her assets, if you can prove that you were essentially a married couple and family, you may have a shot. Judges are not stupid, and they do have some leeway.

I do like the bit about charging her for contractor services. Great backup plan!