Many questions

[hurt1]

Some background: Partner and I began dating in June of 2002. I have a daughter from a prior marriage who was 2 at the time we began dating. We dated un October 2003 at which time he ended the relationship as he "didn't love me". In February of 2005 we got back together and in October 2006 he had me move in with him. At the time I was living in an apartment and ended up getting rid of a lot of my furniture when I moved in with him, including mine and my daughter's bed, kitchen table and chairs, etc. We have been living together since then and presenting ourselves as a family to friends and family. My daughter considers him her "other Dad" and my partner is involved in the daily parenting of her including punishment's like time-outs, etc. I work part-time outside the home as well as part time from the home (that has not changed since I moved in except my hours outside the home have been reduced by 5 hours/week due to injuries from an MVA in May 2005). I also have a parent with terminal cancer. I have paid him $220 bi-weekly since I moved in to pay towards expenses, as well as purchasing groceries for the whole family (he also buys towards groceries). He has lavished many gifts on my daughter, including buying her a Playstation game just a week ago for Christmas (he owns the Playstation, not me)

He has now ended the relationship, again citing "he doesn't love me enough to move forward." When I moved in with him in Oct 2004 I told him my condition for moving in was that we would get married at some point. He also indicated at that time that he wanted us to have a child together. I am going to look at apartments today.

My question is:
Am I entitled to any of the posessions in the house since I gave up most of mine when I moved in? (obviously under the impression that this was a permanent move and we would be getting married at some point).
I would like to ask him for two beds (the one my daughter sleeps in as well as the spare bed downstairs) and a lump sum of csah in the amount of $2000 to allow me to get back on my feet again. He makes 4x my salary (he earns almost 100,000/year).

Thank you in advance for any help you can offer. I and my daughter are both devestated over this - she has often referred to him as her "dad", including school projects.

[logicalvelocity]

hurt1,

Welcome to the forum,


Are you in Ontario?

lv

[hurt1]

Sorry, yes, I am in Ontario.

[logicalvelocity]

hurt1,

as you mentioned,

Am I entitled to any of the possessions in the house since I gave up most of mine when I moved in? (obviously under the impression that this was a permanent move and we would be getting married at some point).

Your are entitled to your own possessions. The other parties possessions remain to be their own.

I would like to ask him for two beds (the one my daughter sleeps in as well as the spare bed downstairs) and a lump sum of Cash in the amount of $2000 to allow me to get back on my feet again. He makes 4x my salary (he earns almost 100,000/year).

It doesn't hurt to ask. I suspect you could bring forth a claim of relief in the small claims court. Due to the brief relationship of cohabitation (3 months) you have no recourse under the Family Law Act.


No doubt that you and your child are devastated by this development. If the individual had morals he would assist you back to the position you held before cohabitation.

The Law of Karma - whats goes around, does come around at some point or another

http://www.ncf.ca/freenet/rootdir/me...hs/karma2.html

In Buddhist teaching, the law of karma, says only this: `for every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful.' A skillful event is one that is not accompanied by craving, resistance or delusions; an unskillful event is one that is accompanied by any one of those things. (Events are not skillful in themselves, but are so called only in virtue of the mental events that occur with them.)



lv

[hurt1]

Actually, we have been living together for 14 months - I moved in in October 2005. I thought the period of time was 1 year?
Thanks again, and I do agree with you on the Kharma issue. I've already told him that I feel sorry for him in a way - he's incapable of having an honest, loving relationship with anyone and at his age (almost 37) he's not likely to.

[logicalvelocity]

hurt1,

Sorry I read the date wrong.

For some, 1 year cohabitation is sufficient length. Under Federal Laws you would be considered common law - for division of pensions and CPP credits, health benefits etc

For support purposes the Family Law Act applies

If the individual acted as a parent to your child you may have grounds to bring forth an application for child support for support of your child. This may give you some leverage to get your lump sum out of court.

For spousal support purposes, the law is clear as listed: 3 years continuous cohabitation or

have a child and living in a relationship of some permanence.

You may be also entitled to an unjust enrichment claim with your contribution to the home.

What you are asking for is a reasonable amount in consideration of the circumstances. I do suspect that you would qualify for legal aid and perhaps if you started an application, the individual may just decide to give you what you are requesting rather than spending much more defending a claim of child support for a child whom they acted as a parent.

If it was me, I would visit the nearest legal aid office, apply for same, once qualified, visit a lawyer and start an application.

I always say what goes around comes around!

lv

[hurt1]

Thank you SO much - that is exactly the encouraging news I was hoping for. He definitely put himself out as a parent to her - in fact, I think his family overseas (he's from _______________) are going to be pretty surprised. They easily sent over $300 worth of Christmas presents for ______________, so clearly they were treating her as family as well.

The difficult part is a lot of places are closed down right now for Christmas holidays. Horrible timing!!

I will come back and let you all know how this worked out. And thank you again for the assistance, I really, really needed to hear something encouraging today. I've spent since yesterday when he told me alternating between crying my eyes out and just sitting here numb. I need to get off my butt and get something done instead. I have already been to see an apartment nearby (I am hoping to keep my daughter at the same school so it's less disruption for her). She is absolutely shattered and I am trying to put up a smiley face in front of her.

[logicalvelocity]

hurt1,

I deleted your child's name from your post and location of family. You never know who is going to read same. You may want to delete your browser history if your still in the home.

(I am hoping to keep my daughter at the same school so it's less disruption for her).

Yes, your child needs stability right now and so do you. I do believe the legal aid offices are open this week.

You can find information on legal aid locations here

http://www.legalaid.on.ca/en/locate/default.asp

lv

[hurt1]

Oh - Sorry! I didn't even think when I put that information in.

I am hoping this will end amicably. I am thinking of putting in writing to him what my requests are, and then, if he refuses to comply, proceed with seeing a lawyer. Or do you think I should just go ahead with lawyer involvement straight off without giving him the opportunity to make good on my request?

I am really sorry for so many questions. This is very awkward for me. Until 2 days ago I thought everything was fine, in fact, both of our families were expecting me to get an engagement ring for Christmas. Many of the gifts sent from his family to both my daughter and I reflected our future together (a beautiful kilt outfit for both of us, including a sash and kilt pin in my family name). I am just so stunned here. I have made a list and am checking it twice though..LOL

Again thank you for your invaluable advice here.

[logicalvelocity]

hurt1,

Careful how you word your formal request. This could be used as evidence.

You could start by requesting verbally and see the other parties response. If you receive no co-operation on the matter, then proceed with legal aid and subsequently retain a lawyer. The lawyer will most likely send a formal letter to the party before proceeding with an application in the court.

I should make you aware that if an action is started in the court, part of the obligation of receiving legal aid is to request costs. Additionally, if an action is started and the individual acted as a parent, they could also bring forth a cross claim of the child's access.

lv