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Common Law Issues The law regarding common law relationships is different than in cases of divorce. Discuss the issues that affect unmarried couples here.

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Old 01-04-2016, 08:36 AM
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Default lie of "heart surgery" as ploy for non-access

Ex is trying to deny me access this entire month. On Friday she told me she was having "heart surgery" this week and will need the month to recover. She lives with her parents and our twin sons. We are young. After our break up she only allowed me to come alone to visit our sons in her house. She usually wasn't there or walked out when I walked in. I began a case of custody/access. I am a solid young man with a solid supportive and large family. She was represented. Me not. I just sat there and accepted supervised access bi-weekly for the time being. In the hope we would get mediation which I have requested many times.
A week ago she "allowed" our sons to visit me and meet my large family. All good people. None, except my parents for 2 hours last Easter, have met my sons. The visit was supervised by her aunt and uncle who were very kind. They always were to me.
So....she is upset because we all had a wonderful time. The twins, my brother and parents, four great-grandparents and my aunts, uncles and cousins. Her aunt and uncle as well.
QUESTION: I know heart surgery is a lie. She has a rapid heart beat brought on by caffeine, lack of sleep, stress and possibly alcohol. When I asked for more specifics about the surgery, because I know 100% it is not true, she was too busy to reply.
She may be having a procedure today but not surgery. She said she needs a month to recover. How do I let the judge know at our February case conference that she lied about having heart surgery to deny me access?
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Old 01-04-2016, 05:10 PM
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Is the temp supervised just an agreement with the ex or a temp court order?
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Old 01-04-2016, 05:26 PM
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Quote:
Is the temp supervised just an agreement with the ex or a temp court order?
YEs, this is very troubling - agreeing to be supervised is a major problem.
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Old 01-04-2016, 05:31 PM
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Whether or not your ex had heart surgery is not really the issue. Do you have a schedule for access, and is she refusing to follow it? If so, then your issue is her refusal to follow the schedule, not whether she's lying about surgery. (Her medical issues are none of your business anyway, so she doesn't have to provide you with details).

If you don't have a schedule, then you need to get one, whether on consent with her (best) or through the courts.
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Old 01-04-2016, 06:53 PM
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I didn't know what I was doing at the time. Letting me see my sons anywhere was better than not at all. And not in her living room. That is truly an uncomfortable place to be.
The judge back in the summer said I had a right to see the boys away from my ex and her surroundings. That is when the facility came up and I said fine.

I have just sought counsel who will try to extinguish the access facilty route because there has been a 6 month delay already and in their opinion not even necessary.
The ex didn't even meet with the centre when they called before the Christmas holidays to say an opening was coming up in January. I went right away. She didn't because she was too busy with Christmas. I have that in emails.Then the facility closed for 2 weeks. She let me continue 2 hour visits in her living room. And when I asked if she had her meeting at the facilty she said she has to put it off. Too busy.
And then all of a sudden "heart surgery". We go back next month for second case conference to show I am and was able, willing, and wanting to be with my sons. I have the support of a large respected family. I'm sad and upset that she is lying to get out of the access facilty in-take session so it can start and that she doesn't want me to see my sons this month.
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Old 01-04-2016, 07:36 PM
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1. Listen, stop being an imbecile.

2. Agreeing to see your kids in this context is ridiculous.

3. Assume you aren't going to see your kids for the next year and be at peace with that.

4. Take legal steps to get access restored immediately as far as shared custody. Let the judge say no and give you normal EOW stupidities but don't ASK for EOW stupidities.

5. Proceed to trial to get whatever custodial arrangement you think is best for the kids and assume your Ex lives to separate you from your kids. Assuming your ex-wife is a reasonable human being is a huge mistake.
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Old 01-04-2016, 08:23 PM
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An Access CTR is the first route scheming parents take.

I refused one also. The judge laughed at an access CTR .. totally inappropriate for most cases.

1. What are her allegations against you for such a request (supervised?)
2. What is her proof of her allegations?

I've learned that if an ex wants supervised....they dont have to prove why unfortunately. Mine didn't. Judges have to take the road of "caution"...schemers take advantage of this. Gross huh?

Heart Surgery? Offer to help out by being there for the twins.

Supervision? Draw up a "Graduated schedule" with her Aunt and Uncle. Do you have a good relationship with them? (sounds like you do).

Collect denials on your graduated supervised visits. i.e - 3-4 weeks then unsupervised for 3 weeks...then overnights, etc.

Keep in mind.....your ex NEEDS to PROVE why you need supervised. Have you beat her up? Are you a pedophile? etc. Do you abuse children? Do you have any police records of substance abuse or domestic violence?

It'a all about your "Ability to act as a parent"...CLRA ; RULE 24 (3) ; 24 (4) of the CLRA...look it up. She has to prove that you cannot act as a parent (easier said than done...especially with no proof (documented evidence).

Did you make it known that you were NOT okay with her taking the twins? That the only way she'd let you see them was under her rules (supervision), etc?

I hope so ... or else you have "acquiescence" custody to her under:
Quote:
CLRA 20(4) Where the parents of a child live separate and apart and the child lives with one of them with the consent, implied consent or acquiescence of the other of them, the right of the other to exercise the entitlement of custody and the incidents of custody, but not the entitlement to access, is suspended until a separation agreement or order otherwise provides. R.S.O. 1990, c. C.12, s. 20 (4).
If you've given the impression that you were okay with it .... you basically agve your consent. If not....she's STOLEN your rights ... Not okay.

1. She needs to prove why you shouldn't see kids much.
2. She needs to prove why you need supervision.

Can she? Only you know the answer to that.

NEVER forget about the "Maximum Contact Principle"..as it is highly regarded in family law. Check out this thread on it....and USE it in court:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...eration-18320/

(edit): Oh yea...here are the CLRA's. Your bible for the next little bit.http://www.ontario.ca/laws/statute/90c12

Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-04-2016 at 08:34 PM.
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Old 01-04-2016, 08:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stripes View Post
Whether or not your ex had heart surgery is not really the issue. Do you have a schedule for access, and is she refusing to follow it? If so, then your issue is her refusal to follow the schedule, not whether she's lying about surgery. (Her medical issues are none of your business anyway, so she doesn't have to provide you with details).
.
I would say her medical issues ARE his business if it's the reason she's giving for OP not being able to see his children. It will also be the judges business. IMO
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Old 01-04-2016, 09:10 PM
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Lots of reading to do and I thank you.
I'm a model young citizen with an unblemished record. Just too young and stupid at this point.
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Old 01-06-2016, 01:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DJM123 View Post
Lots of reading to do and I thank you.
I'm a model young citizen with an unblemished record. Just too young and stupid at this point.


I'm also a young dad (24), who has been through the system and a lot of the same bull**** you are putting up with from my ex.

No matter what your ex's health problems are, if she is demanding you have supervised visitation for now then do it. Once this excuse has played out she will probably make up or create something else.

I was in your shoes 2 years ago and my parents both stood up for me at court and said they would provide the supervision. If you have someone in your family that will agree to do so, then go with that instead of a center. They will have to fill out some forms and get a police record check but it's a lot better for you and your kids.

I filed a motion when my ex tried to stop my access to our then baby son (making false allegations to the cops of domestic abuse during her pregnancy) and was successful in having the access visits moved from her home to mine when son was 8 months old.

Supervision for access visits at my home by my parents lasted six months before the judge removed the condition.

I did miss some time with my son at the beginning, but in the end her lies and manipulations caught up with her and our case management judge figured her out pretty quick.

Two years of court dates later, we mediated a final settlement for joint custody, the criminal charges got withdrawn with no conditions and for now things are calm.

Good luck and definitely do all the suggested reading and make use of the FLIC (Family Law Information Clinic) if you are in Ontario.

Last edited by YoungDad23; 01-06-2016 at 01:23 PM. Reason: extra info
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