He refuses to leave!

[Lynne]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum & hoping that I can pass on some of your excellent advice to my daughter. She's in rather a unique situation in a way, and we (she & I) are out of ideas on how she should handle it.

Our daughter and her common law spouse have been together for about 8 yrs. on & off, and have 2 children together. It's always been a rocky relationship, with the man frequently out of work and/or not willing to contribute to the household budget, always selfish & complaining, and my daughter has finally had enough & wants to leave. (There is no physical abuse involved.) They still live together at present, and receive assistance.

Now the problem........even though he knows she no longer wants to live with him, he refuses to leave the home! They live in an Ontario Housing unit and, since his name is on the lease as well as hers, Housing says he has every right to stay......unless he signs a paper saying he will no longer be living there (which he refuses to do). Since there is no domestic violence, the police will not help to remove him.

They moved to their current location in December because he found work there (which has since petered out somewhat), and of course the children had to change schools & make new friends, etc. My daughter really doesn't want to uproot the children again so soon, but says she will if that's her only option.

Is there anything else you can suggest? Many thanks for any help you can give.

[standing on the sidelines]

can she tough it out till the end of the school year and then move?? Maybe she could move back to where she was before so the kids will have their old friends again so it would be less stressful to them. If she lived in Ontario housing at the old place maybe she can get her name on th waiting list now.

Unfortunatly if Ontario Housing says he can stay unless he signs the paper, I am not sure she can force him out.

[dadtotheend]

She can't force him to leave. The kids are hardly rooted in the home after 4 months. If it's that bad, she can leave with the kids.

[Mess]

The home and the kids are just as much his as they are your daughter's.

Obviously you have to take her side, I'm a parent and I would feel that way too. But you have to step back and see the situation as the family courts, and the public housing system would see it.

The father should move out for what reasons: (Now list them)



From your original post, all we see is a "rocky relationship". This is not to take sides, but no one can give you advice on this. At most we could give advice on how one parent could take possession of the home and the children away from another parent. Without good reason, there really isn't a lawful way to do this.

[Lynne]

Thanks very much for your replies. I realize that my original post seemed very much as if I'm "taking sides"......and truthfully, I do sympathize more with my daughter than I do her spouse (as I've seen the situation firsthand), but I try to see both sides & stay relatively neutral. I make a real effort not to be an "interfering mother-in-law" as regards any of my children's relationships. It can be difficult at times, but I do try very hard!

I laid out the situation from my daughter's perspective, as she's the one who asked for assistance, and she was trying to avoid yet more arguments at home.

In this case, a "rocky" relationship refers to several (three or four, I'm not sure exactly) breakups over a period of 8 yrs. There has been infidelity, lying on a regular basis, refusal to contribute, anger issues, and of course good ol' money issues, most if not all of these on her spouse's part. My daughter is not an angel, I'm not claiming she is, but in her defence she has taken him back several times & put a lot of effort into this relationship. She has simply had enough.

So......it looks as if moving herself is her best option, then.

Thank you all again, and I will pass on all your comments to her.

[Mess]

Again, as her mother I think you should unconditionally take her side, especially when she is going through a crisis. I do just mean that it's impossible to advise you unless we know exactly what is going on.

Unless he is harrassing her or threatening her and she can show that, like with police reports, she can't have him removed from the home. I think the housing manager will have already explained that, and the family court will follow the same rules.

She doesn't have any priority to the home or to custody of the children unless she can show factual reasons why.

The courts understand that the marriage is breaking down, that doesn't have to be proven and none of those issues will affect anything.