Do it Yourself Forms and avoiding lawer costs

[tara]

Hi I'm from British Columbia.
Has anybody done a common law seperation agreement themselves with forms that you can get notorised by a lawyer. Is it absolutely neccesary to pay a few thousand dollars for a lawyer when the parties can come to an agreement themselves?

Thanks

[In_This_Together]

My husband and his ex did their own separation agreement because at the time the separation was amicable and they agreed on the terms. They've since run into trouble because situations have come up about which they don't agree and the terms are not covered in their contract. I would advise spending a little money now, get independent legal advice to ensure you are protected. It could save a lot of money down the road.

[tara]

Thanks for replying. Do you have any examples of the situations that have come up that were not planned for?

thanks

[SNAFU]

My agreement covers EVERYTHING. Who picks up, who drops off. Camps, holidays, child support calculation, spousal support and termination etc etc etc ... important decisions ... health care, schools and education ... property division etc etc

[In_This_Together]

Example's include increase / decrease of child support with changes in income, extraordinary expenses ( her insistence that he pay her petty out of pocket expenses in addition to child support), continually changing access days to suit her schedule.

[tara]

Thanks. That's a bit more clear. I can see when you have children it get way more complicated.

[twice_bitten]

Step one: get informed. Find out all you can about separation and divorce. The Federal Justice Department web site is a good place to start. Especially if you have children: read the Federal Guidelines for Child Support!!! You can also get lots of information directly at the court house (flyers, booklets, etc) and you may even be able to speak to someone about what you need to do.

Second step: go to a mediator. A good mediator will walk you through the process in a logical and (hopefully) unbiased manner. Remember, they have seen many situations and you would be surprised at some of the innovative solutions they can propose for even the most sticky problems.

Third step: pay a couple of hundred dollars and hire your own lawyer to review the agreement produced with the help of the mediator BEFORE you sign it. A good mediator will insist on this. If adjustments are required on either side, go back to the mediator to sort them out.

Finally, some mediators will even file the papers for the agreement and take care of the divorce application. You may not even have to appear in court. Moreover, the cost is shared, and in some jurisdictions (notably in Quebec) even subsidized by the government.

As for details, I would suggest trying to stay as "generic" as possible. Eg, make child support to be "in accordance with the Federal Guidelines for Child Support", with a commitment for disclosing income on a yearly basis. That way, adjustments can be made as you go.

AND ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND: court is and always should be a LAST RESORT. It is for when there is absolutely no way the two parties can reach an agreement. If either party is unwilling to parlay with the other, there may be no choice but to have "some perfect stranger" (a judge) make decisions for you both (never a good thing!). And remember this: A lawyer once told me that even a bad settlement can be better than a ruling!

Good luck. I hope reason and logic will prevail in your current predicament.

[tara]

Thanks for taking the time to write that. I got some really good tips such as stay generic, and yearly income disclosures. My situation is not too complicated as my son is grown. There's the house -which is 3/4 paid for and a large difference in salaries. I sometimes think we could work it out without the lawyers. However, I oft fear my feelings will get in the way and I will give too much leeway because I still care a good deal for him. I will get a lawyer to ensure that reason and logic do prevail. I have to do so soon - we are now in the process of negotiation - because here in BC we have one year to file for spousal support.