Daycare registration information question

[FaithandMorals]

My ex left the habitual residence 4 months ago and took our 1 year old daughter against my wishes. At the time the ex still had 1 month of mat leave. Instead of letting me take care of our daughter at home, my ex contacted subsidized daycare in our city and applied for the subsidy. She got the subsidy because during mat leave she earned roughly $26K.

We have a CC scheduled mid Jan and I want to be able to offer the judge an alternative daycare solution whereby our daughter is with me half the week and with a daycare half the week. To do this I need more information about the daycare subsidy agreement my ex signed. All the subsidy people have told me is if your daughter already has subsidy we will only speak to the person that applied for it and if my ex wrongly signed as the custodial parent when she applied, my ex can be 'prosecuted'.

I don't care about any prosecutions I just want to get a copy of the signed subsidy agreement and my ex has steadfastly refused to provide it.

Any thoughts on what I can do?

[AshleyManor]

IN My Mess..COURT ORDERS...seem to prevail.

I'm not sure...If it applies to you or not.
I Have No Educated Address to Your question at all.

BUT, it Appears to me..
You should seek Legal Council.
AND/OR Ask For Copies of an Agreement.


Best Of Luck!

[Mess]

Rules may be different depending on where you live. In Toronto, daycare subsidy is run by the city and city has strict bureaucratic rules. There is very little flexability and it won't be modified by your custody order (except that in a joint situation they will look at both of your incomes.)

Whether or not they procecute her shouldn't be your concern, but you do need to establish your factual basis for custody/joint custody. For example, if you are arguing in court she will say that she has been acting as custodial parent and you haven't been involved, and she will use this to argue that the situation shouldn't be changed. Think of custody as "use it or lose it". You need to be involved in the decision making, you need to be recognized as an involved parent by doctors, dentists, teachers, daycares, etc (I realize the child is young but all of this will come.) If you aren't involved, she has a stronger argument for sole custody. It is in you best legal interest to have your name as parent with the subsidy office and with the daycare. You have to decide and balance that against the financial cost of losing the subsidy.

You should have default joint custody unless there is a court order or signed separation agreement saying otherwise, however you have to assert yourself and make it clear that you are the custodial parent. If you don't seek regular access then she can argue that you gave up custody. (I realize you are seeking access but if she is keeping the child to herself this can turn into a status quo.)

[dinkyface]

You can get subsidy for a part-time attendance e.g. 2 or 3 days/week. But, you have to commit to the schedule. If you miss days (over a certain limit), you have to pay for them.

The absent days limit is usually geared towards vacations taken by typical in-tact family (plus sick days). Since vacation times could be doubled as a result of parents living separately, this can be a problem i.e. who pays for these extra absent days over the limit?

Doesn't matter whether absent for vacation or illness - they are all counted together.

Daycare subsidy is income tested. It used to be asset-tested also, but I guess it was impractical/hard/invasive to verify assets (e.g. RRSP, home equity, other savings/property/toys). Easier to just use what is indicated on tax returns. This is for Toronto - possibly it is different elsewhere.

[Tayken]

Originally Posted by FaithandMorals

My ex left the habitual residence 4 months ago and took our 1 year old daughter against my wishes. At the time the ex still had 1 month of mat leave. Instead of letting me take care of our daughter at home, my ex contacted subsidized daycare in our city and applied for the subsidy. She got the subsidy because during mat leave she earned roughly $26K.

We have a CC scheduled mid Jan and I want to be able to offer the judge an alternative daycare solution whereby our daughter is with me half the week and with a daycare half the week. To do this I need more information about the daycare subsidy agreement my ex signed. All the subsidy people have told me is if your daughter already has subsidy we will only speak to the person that applied for it and if my ex wrongly signed as the custodial parent when she applied, my ex can be 'prosecuted'.

I don't care about any prosecutions I just want to get a copy of the signed subsidy agreement and my ex has steadfastly refused to provide it.

Any thoughts on what I can do?

This is a hit and miss challenge. Some people (professionals) are of the opinion that daycare is absolutely necessary to maintain "psychological neutrality" of children and are unable to recognize that children adapt to different situations at parental homes.

Some are of the opinion that what a parent does on their custodial time is their responsibility and the other parent should not try to control the other parent's life by enforcing a daycare be used when one is not required.

So you role the dice on this one. You get a judge or evaluator who follows the principles of "psychological neutrality" for the children and that a daycare could actually provide this... You could find yourself with an order to use a daycare and have your own access to your children restricted while they are in your custody.

The whole "psychological neutrality" argument is quite an interesting one considering the following well (and often sighted) material:

“Those trained in the mental health disciplines know that there is no such thing as total impartiality, neutrality, or lack of bias when working with people... ” (p. 220) Taylor (1997)).

To expect a third party to act in a psychologically neutral way or provide children a psychologically neutral environment is debatable.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[FaithandMorals]

Thanks to all for the posts.

I am living apart since July and we have a CC scheduled end of Jan. She is seeking sole and I am seeking joint. I have 30% of overnights but want more and it to be equal. As I work from home and my schedule is so flexible I have stated I want our daughter to be with me either all of the day time hours or half of the time. She has replied I am not qualified and our daughter needs daycare for socialization. On my weekends I have been taking our daughter to places to demonstrate socialization is possible without a stranger spending time with our daughter and unbeknownst to my ex I have enrolled for an intensive ECE course and will graduate next summer.
I hope to eliminate all of her arguments and leave the judge with little choice but to send our daughter with me for at least half the day time hours.
Based on my income last year, if I were to apply for subsidy we would a tenth of what we now do. I have a lot of assets but near zero income for now.
So, my question is how to force the issue and get a copy of the subsidy agreement she signed without my knowledge. We have only had a first appearance a couple weeks ago so she did sign the papaers as custodial parent fraudulently. That said she may be able to get away with it because she has always received the CCTB and baby benefits.
How would you proceed?

[Tayken]

Originally Posted by FaithandMorals

Thanks to all for the posts.

I am living apart since July and we have a CC scheduled end of Jan. She is seeking sole and I am seeking joint. I have 30% of overnights but want more and it to be equal. As I work from home and my schedule is so flexible I have stated I want our daughter to be with me either all of the day time hours or half of the time. She has replied I am not qualified and our daughter needs daycare for socialization. On my weekends I have been taking our daughter to places to demonstrate socialization is possible without a stranger spending time with our daughter and unbeknownst to my ex I have enrolled for an intensive ECE course and will graduate next summer.
I hope to eliminate all of her arguments and leave the judge with little choice but to send our daughter with me for at least half the day time hours.
Based on my income last year, if I were to apply for subsidy we would a tenth of what we now do. I have a lot of assets but near zero income for now.
So, my question is how to force the issue and get a copy of the subsidy agreement she signed without my knowledge. We have only had a first appearance a couple weeks ago so she did sign the papaers as custodial parent fraudulently. That said she may be able to get away with it because she has always received the CCTB and baby benefits.
How would you proceed?

1. There is no such thing as the "tender years" docterine anymore. Many fathers of infants are getting joint 50-50 custody.

2. You are a custodial parent as well (joint) if no other order from the court states otherwise. Until "custody" is decided it is default joint 50-50 under the law. Agree to nothing else but that. FLR set this forward.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[HammerDad]

Originally Posted by FaithandMorals

She has replied I am not qualified

I am pretty damn sure you were qualified to care for your child by yourself when you were together. What is her reasoning for believing you are no incapable due to your separation?

[FaithandMorals]

Originally Posted by HammerDad

I am pretty damn sure you were qualified to care for your child by yourself when you were together. What is her reasoning for believing you are no incapable due to your separation?

Hammer,

I think we all know why she has said this; because she wants control and money. I also think it plays to the ole misandrist chestnut.

It is my hope that in time things will fall into a natural groove and we will be 100% focused on our daughter instead of crap like this.

[Tayken]

Originally Posted by HammerDad

I am pretty damn sure you were qualified to care for your child by yourself when you were together. What is her reasoning for believing you are no incapable due to your separation?

I agree. Unless you pose some threat of psychological or physical harm to the child there is no argument.

Good Luck!
Tayken