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Common Law Issues The law regarding common law relationships is different than in cases of divorce. Discuss the issues that affect unmarried couples here.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 05-18-2017, 12:02 AM
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You are right! My situation is almost identical to your friend. Thank you for the advice. I am now using my right head.
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Old 05-18-2017, 12:52 AM
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You are right! My situation is almost identical to your friend. Thank you for the advice. I am now using my right head.
My friend was pretty emphatic that he would not even bring her over for a few weeks (cause he'd seen where that led a friend).
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Old 05-18-2017, 01:07 AM
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This is how it works: You bring her over with all good intentions - you want to show her your homeland. You are proud of her so you want all your friends and family to meet her (mistake #1). You set her up in your place and make sure she has money and knows where the store is while you go to work (mistake #2). She becomes lonely and bored and bugs you to take her out. You take her out to the club where she will meet up with people from her home country (mistake #3) as you want her to make new friends and feel comfortable. Time goes on and she does get new friends. Everything is good for a while... or so you think. While you've been working or golfing she's been busy planning her future.

The g/f is sizing things up and very impressed with the beautiful home and nice cars etc... your lifestyle is something she wants... the clock is ticking.. she knows you and her will be returning to the other country soon. She finds out through her new friends that all she has to do is get into a fight with you and go to a hotel. She has all the contact numbers of people to call (thanks to her new friends). She gets emergency social assistance (when she says she has no money)... and then ........ a freebie legal aid lawyer.

This can all happen in a very short period of time. She may be unsuccessful in the end but meanwhile you have gone through 40k or more in legal bills. She will state that the two of you have lived together for years and that you abandoned her. The nightmare could go on for years. All for what??? You had it good... should have just gotten on that plane and waved "bye bye".... woulda, coulda, shoulda....

Canada is a great country ... particularly for people who come from countries that have no social welfare system.
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Old 05-18-2017, 09:31 AM
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He was/is a very successful professional man... very wealthy. He retired early (50). He was never married and has no children. He has traveled the world. When I met him he was spending 6 months in Thailand and 6 months here. He had been doing that for a few years. He had a few girlfriends (typical) but finally ended up with a favorite. I asked him one time why he didn't bring the g/f with him back here to Canada because it was obvious he missed her. He said that he worked hard and didn't want to see his hard-earned money go to lawyers and a g/f if/when the relationship ended. He said he knew of many men, like him, who had a foreign girlfriend and who lost major money and he wasn't about to do that, not for the very best sex he had ever had in his life.

Unless you are willing to take 1/2 of your net worth and give it away I'd think seriously before importing someone. It sounds as though the 'world is your oyster' - why ruin a good thing?
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
This is how it works: You bring her over with all good intentions - you want to show her your homeland. You are proud of her so you want all your friends and family to meet her (mistake #1). You set her up in your place and make sure she has money and knows where the store is while you go to work (mistake #2). She becomes lonely and bored and bugs you to take her out. You take her out to the club where she will meet up with people from her home country (mistake #3) as you want her to make new friends and feel comfortable. Time goes on and she does get new friends. Everything is good for a while... or so you think. While you've been working or golfing she's been busy planning her future.

The g/f is sizing things up and very impressed with the beautiful home and nice cars etc... your lifestyle is something she wants... the clock is ticking.. she knows you and her will be returning to the other country soon. She finds out through her new friends that all she has to do is get into a fight with you and go to a hotel. She has all the contact numbers of people to call (thanks to her new friends). She gets emergency social assistance (when she says she has no money)... and then ........ a freebie legal aid lawyer.

This can all happen in a very short period of time. She may be unsuccessful in the end but meanwhile you have gone through 40k or more in legal bills. She will state that the two of you have lived together for years and that you abandoned her. The nightmare could go on for years. All for what??? You had it good... should have just gotten on that plane and waved "bye bye".... woulda, coulda, shoulda....

Canada is a great country ... particularly for people who come from countries that have no social welfare system.
Ugh, this sort of behaviour is despicable, on BOTH sides.

The women are basically prostituting themselves for having a great lifestyle and maybe not having to work in their home countries, and the chance to come to Canada, pretending to love the man, but really scheming to dump him and clean him out.

The men are basically keeping a prostitute on retainer for their personal sexual use in the other country, while pretending to love the woman, but have no intentions of making it a full and equal relationship.

Neither side can ever trust the other. There are no deep feelings; they are only using each other to get what they want (sex/money).

This is why the world still needs feminism.
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Old 05-18-2017, 10:46 AM
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Yes I agree with you Rioe - when I asked my friend about the moral aspect of things he would shrug and say he treats her very well and how he has helped her out and go on about how he felt he had kept her from a certain future of prostitution with shady people. Canadian female friends who knew him thought he was a disgusting pig. Men who knew him thought he was living the life (those same wealthy men had trophy wives or a combination of wives and mistresses tucked away).
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Old 05-20-2017, 10:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
Ugh, this sort of behaviour is despicable, on BOTH sides.

The women are basically prostituting themselves for having a great lifestyle and maybe not having to work in their home countries, and the chance to come to Canada, pretending to love the man, but really scheming to dump him and clean him out.

The men are basically keeping a prostitute on retainer for their personal sexual use in the other country, while pretending to love the woman, but have no intentions of making it a full and equal relationship.

Neither side can ever trust the other. There are no deep feelings; they are only using each other to get what they want (sex/money).

This is why the world still needs feminism.
It is the law here in Canada that has made relationships about sex and money. If 2 people have regular sex for 3 years or more, and the relationship breaks, that means money has to flow to equalize the money. And of course, the lawyers and judges want to keep it this way, because it is a major source of revenue for themselves.

It's not about love or deep feelings, and never has been in the eyes of the law. It's all about the money, not only the net assets but also monthly cashflow to maintain the current life style for the woman and the kids.

There are cases, where it has been about love and feelings. 2 people fall in love, the guy loves her so much, that he even treats her kids as his own. Then the relationship breaks - and each gets half the net assets, and of course the man, in 98% of cases, pays the woman, and he also gets to pay her alimony and because he also loved the kids, and gave them presents, took them on holidays, he also pays child support, so the kids to continue their lives as though he was still involved in their lives from a financial viewpoint. He never adopted the kids and the kids were not his biologically.

In my opinion, the law is unfair, because it assumes, the woman made the man successful and therefore is fully entitled to half of everything.
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Old 05-20-2017, 10:45 PM
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The law recognizes that one person stayed home (forgoing a career of their own) to raise the children, maintain the home, thus freeing the other person up to pursue their career.... intended outcome being that both individuals share in the success. The law recognizes that this is a contract or agreement between two people.

Of course there are differences but then that is why spousal support Orders are not "one size fits all" and determine on a case-by-case basis with an eye to previous cases (case law) which have already been argued in court.

That is all.

It may SEEM like it is a male vs. female situation simply because in the past women traditionally stayed home with the children. If you look through CanLII you will see that things have evolved nowadays to consider same-sex marriages as well as men who stay home to raise children while the wife pursues a career. Spousal support awards are made regardless of sex.
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Old 05-20-2017, 11:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
Ugh, this sort of behaviour is despicable, on BOTH sides.

The women are basically prostituting themselves for having a great lifestyle and maybe not having to work in their home countries, and the chance to come to Canada, pretending to love the man, but really scheming to dump him and clean him out.

The men are basically keeping a prostitute on retainer for their personal sexual use in the other country, while pretending to love the woman, but have no intentions of making it a full and equal relationship.

Neither side can ever trust the other. There are no deep feelings; they are only using each other to get what they want (sex/money).

This is why the world still needs feminism.
Men are not keeping the woman as a prostitute on a retainer for their personal sexual use. The women choose to stay with the man and can leave at anytime. It's the woman that chooses.

In most cases, the woman chose a local man first, and got to live as a local. She then saw how foreign men treated other females in her country and she decides she would like try a foreign man relationship. With the foreign man, she has a much better life - better food, accommodation, entertainment, medical care, etc.. She gives and gets the same amount of sex from her male partner whether it is a local or a foreigner.

So in summary, what's the difference to the woman? For the woman, sexually, there is no difference. The major difference for her is life style improvements. Once again, it's about the money, not love, or deep feelings. She could stay or leave anytime.

It seems women in Canada, sway the morals of society and law, to focus on deep feelings and love. But when their relationship breaks, they focus on the money and life style - just like in the above scenario. The woman gets the money and continues her life style, and then gets to choose a new sex partner or no partner.

In Canada it's sort of like, women hook men, with the impression of a deep loving relationship, give the man lots of sex for the first few years. After a while, maybe 5 or 10 years or a couple of kids, the woman loses interest in sex. Most men will lose interest in a woman if there is no sex in their relationship. Unfortunately, the man is still hooked, and stuck now in sexless loveless relationship. So upon divorce - the woman gets money for the sex she provided early in the relationship. Sex for money - that sounds like prostitution.
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Old 05-20-2017, 11:33 PM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
The law recognizes that one person stayed home (forgoing a career of their own) to raise the children, maintain the home, thus freeing the other person up to pursue their career.... intended outcome being that both individuals share in the success. The law recognizes that this is a contract or agreement between two people.

Of course there are differences but then that is why spousal support Orders are not "one size fits all" and determine on a case-by-case basis with an eye to previous cases (case law) which have already been argued in court.

That is all.

It may SEEM like it is a male vs. female situation simply because in the past women traditionally stayed home with the children. If you look through CanLII you will see that things have evolved nowadays to consider same-sex marriages as well as men who stay home to raise children while the wife pursues a career. Spousal support awards are made regardless of sex.
The issue is that there is far too much weight and work and value given to the person that stays home.

The only logical reason for the law to be so weighted unfairly is that the government wants to avoid having many of the "home partners" and kids living in poverty after divorce/separation. If they were below poverty, then the government would have to give them money. So either ex-partner gives the money or the governments gives the money. The government decided the partner has to pay.

I've read a lot of those cases in CanLII. The judgements seem very unfair with lots ridiculous imputed values and assumptions 90% of the time favouring the "home partner" or mostly the female. The judges always assume the man, or working partner, would never have improved his wealth or life style without the relationship. During the period of the relationship, all of his improved assets and cashflow is attributable to the "home partner" and without the home partner there would have been no improvements.

In many of those cases, the "home partner" had no career or any job anywhere equivalent to the working partner, at the beginning of the relationship. It seems the home partner just hooked into the relationship for the improved life style, under the illusion of love and deep feelings. They would have never been able to obtain the improved lifestyle and prosperity by remaining unattached.
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Old 05-21-2017, 12:30 AM
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I think it is simpler to think of marriage as a business arrangement.

I've always maintained that if one person stays home to raise children/look after home & do domestic chores they should be paid an hourly wage (not a salary). (I guess it would come down to how much value someone puts on the work of the stay-at-home partner). However, young families often have to have someone stay home simply because they cannot afford child care. The higher-earning person might be the one who stays on in the workforce even if the stay-at-home partner has more education and possibly, much better career prospects long-term.

You have raised some interesting points.

Perhaps the smart thing to do is to marry someone who has a similar economic background as opposed to marrying the store clerk. Not too many years ago Ivy league colleges were full of young people whose families sent them there in order to meet the "right" girl or boy from the "right" family. Perhaps they had the right idea.

There are, of course, many variables.
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