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Old 09-02-2006, 08:23 AM
brokendad brokendad is offline
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Default Have I given up my rights as a parent?

Hello Again
Sorry about the length of this but I'm past being able to sleep tonight.
My questions concern section 20(4) of the childrens law reform act , as well I am confused by the term "ex parte" if someone has a lay persons explanation of this?

Her is the situation: My wife left with the children accussing me of abuseing my son in Feb.'05. neither the police or FACS found her story creditable.In fact I received apologies from FACs. None the less I am apart from my wife and children. To gain access to my son and daughter , a court order was nessecary.It required me to jump through hoops at the time but this was a small price to pay to see my little ones.Child and spousal support are being paid and not in arrears.
Our court /consent order does not designate custody--- the closest it comes to that is the following: Pending a final resolution of this matter, the children of the marriage ,namely (son) and (daughter), shall be in the residence of the Applicant (my ex-wife)except when not in the residence of the respondant during the following times....
As well their are terms as to telephone access, emergency phone numbers, keeping each other fully informed and variation of my access based on my work schedule.All of which she is either in contempt of or follows only minimally.
Unfortunately I can not get answers from my ex about any issue or topic as it relates to the children. She absoluetly refuses to convey information at the time of access , and the communication book information she provides is notably vague.In short she is mute. These questions I ask are often not difficult ie Do you have a computer that will run this vocational cd for our son? ...No answer , You said in the book our son may be Lactose intolerant do not give him milk.... Has he been tested for milk allergies? Is he on a special diet? Speciffically what can he eat and not eat?....all no answers.
It does not matter the question , the topic or the circumstances she will not communicate.School information I receive well after the fact.When I questioned this her answer was "St Patricks school is all you need to know"
Frankly she acts as if I have given up all input to these children (save the support money) and that she has complete controll to act unilaterally without consent or input from me, Babysitters, school, activities, medical treatment, you name it she is sure to exclude me.
Under the section 20(4) of the act does she have exclusive authority to do this (I only have about 15% access time) That is to say can she selectively exclude me from co-parenting of my children?Does the following meen that my rights as a parent have been suspended? ..."Where the parents of a child live seperate and apart and the child lives with on of them with the consent, implied consent or acquiescence of the other of them , the right of the other to exercise the entitlement of custody and the incidents of custody, but not the entitlement to access, is suspended until a seperation agreement or order otherwise provides." I guess the simple question is "What is the entitlement of custody and what are the incidents of custody"?
As well the OCL would not support her claim for custody sighting her refusal to communicate, a position of joint custody was also denide as she had our son sleeping with a 42 year old female friend , according to my ex out of nescessity and at that time (Nov'05)would only support the father having sole custody. This was reviewd over the past summer as per their previous conclusions and we have a followup disclosure meeting soon (Sept 12)
I honestly donnot expect the OCL to step away easily from their initial position that I should have custody.
My ex has dug her heels in and we have already toasted enough money that would have sent one of these children to university.
Offers to settle in any kind of a co-opertaive mode have been rejected by her , as well as mediation, etc,.
What is your opinion of a motion for custody , or temporary custody, based on the two ocl reports (assuming they are essentially the same) or is the only solution a trial.( or both)
My case is so bizzare that co-workers wonder how I manage to survive and I'm beginning to wonder too.I am litterally at the point of being broke financilly and don;t know how to proceed or where to get the resources to proceed. I hate to think of the consequenses for my children if I have to bail simply because of that?
To further complicate things the children are IVF babies from donnor sperm so in a technical sense I truly am not the father, that is they donnot carry my DNA, but this doesn't meen I love them any less or do not consider them my children.
This nightmare we are living was never conceived.Whether it was Post Partum depression on her part or something else it has been carried to the extreme. I'm sure we are all hurting including my ex. I just don't know how to stop it and make things better for all of us.
Your response , help and suggestions are appreciated.
Thanks everyone for listening.