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Old 02-05-2012, 02:43 PM
frustratedwithex frustratedwithex is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
Counselling is a good idea but not sure if the mother will go for it. Its not like the daughter believes that her parents will get back together, her mother married the guy she was cheating with and that lasted less then a year. They have been split up for years. Maybe some couselling for the two of them first then bring me into the sessions??quote]
Why bring the mother into counselling when you already know she is hostile towards your relationship?

Counselling for the child is a good idea, although from what you describe the child is already resentful of your relationship. I think the mothers ill-fated second marriage is playing a part in the child's resistance to your relationship. She has already seen what happens to second relationships and the mothers attempts at painting your relationship in a bad light doesn't help.

Your bf sticking his head in the sand hoping the situation would improve on its own didn't help either. Whether he admits it or not, I'm pretty sure he knew the mother would react the way she did and by her driving the daughter over for his access time 2 hours early, for me, is a big clue.

Your bf can only be responsible for himself and how he reacts to this situation. He can't, and in my opinion, shouldn't have then or now relied on his 9 year old daughter to make the first attempt at communicating.

Quote:
if she isn't willing to bend then I told him that we have to end it. It isn't fair to anyone.
I think he is also relying on you to make the right decision here so he can say, "hey wasn't my choice to end the relationship, it was hers'. It is not your issue to fix, its his. By all means be supportive, but don't try and fix it for him.

Quote:
you misunderstood, i meant the father and daughter go first and then we have a session with me, bf and the daughter. It would be hard as he works two weeks days then two weeks afternoons and the daughter is in school but there has to be a wa
I think this is you trying to fix the situation.

Quote:
it would be a shame to end it because it is a great relationship. Its hard to find someone who thinks the same way you do in regards to the major issues that doom most relationships.
I think this issue with his daughter is a major issue in your relationship.

You may be on the same page with money, marriage, kids and protecting yourselves in a relationship in regards to assets but his daughter has not been a consistent presence in your relationship so far.

In my opinion the counselling should be your bf alone, not you, not his daughter. He needs to figure out how to make it right with his daughter and then he can introduce you to her.

Of course I don't know all the details, and this is only my opinion.