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Old 02-05-2012, 01:55 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,241
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default bfs daughter and relationship

well I am sitting here waiting for a text from my bf of 11 months to see how the talk with his daughter went. This is either gonna make or break our relationship.

little background

She had came early to his house the day before fathers day last year demanding to meet me as she saw my car in the driveway (she was 9 then) Her dad refused as first off she was two hours early, she had changed from coming the next day to coming the night before and her mother was waiting in the driveway. He ALWAYS picks his daughter up for visitation and drops her off back home so the mother did it just to cause issues. it wasnt a good time as he and i had been in bed doing what adults do and i was still there. At that time we were not sure where we were going for sure but now we do. He didnt want to introduce me until we were more sure of the relationship.

Well he decided it was time for the meeting and brought it up to her a few weeks ago. She has been harbouring alot of anger apparently since then but he never knew. She never asked about me after that day last year and he could not figure out why. Well her mother must have had a field day with it ( very hostile towards bf and wanted to cut him out of daughters life in the beginning when she left) The girl has said she never wants to meet me or know anything about me. She said that her father choose me over her when nothing can be further from the truth. He has cancelled with me when he unexpectably got his daughter for a day more then once. She is feeling hurt from that day when she came early and instead of talking to her dad she kept it inside.

He and I know that unless she is willing to understand that she has it all wrong and that I am not a threat to her and her relationship with her father then we are doomed. She doesnt realize that a surprise meeting especially at that time would not have been appropriate for anyone. It was up to her father when the meeting would take place, his terms.

Anybody have some words of wisdom on this?? Probably he should have tried to talk to her after that weekend but he didnt want to bring it up, he wanted her to. He hates arguing and getting into conflicts so he avoided it.

if she isnt willing to bend then I told him that we have to end it. It isnt fair to anyone. The worst thing is he and I are on the same page with money, marriage, kids and protecting ourselves in a relationship in regards to assets. We dont fight, we have had some disagreements but manage to talk and work it out. We are just so compatitably its scary.We were planning on figureing out how we were going to live together next year after his daughter had a chance to get to know me better but now everything is on hold till he sees if she will change her mind.