Thread: Abused
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Old 05-23-2006, 10:06 PM
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Default Abused

Posted on behalf of a victim of domestic violence:

The most common question associated with abused women who stay in abusive relationships, is the "why" factor. Why does an abused woman stay with her abuser?

There's no common denominator to this complicated equation, no one can multiply the variants and come up with a conclusive square either. The "why" in the matter is dependent only to the "who" the situation involves.

Abused women, abuse happens to women of different ages, different races, different backgrounds, economical class and seems to be alive and well in every little nook and cranny of the world. It doesn't happen to "women who deserve it" or "those who ask for it". Who deserves to live with fear everyday or constant emotional and physical pain, do you? Of course no one deserves to live in these conditions but they do and children do too.

Even though, the problem is the same, the conditions aren't and neither are the reasons to stay. I speak from some experience, I'm a survivor of a very abusive relationship and as crazy as it sounds, I've been held at gunpoint before. At this moment of my life, to me that sounds crazy and I wouldn't know how to relate to that if I hadn't experienced it.

The best way I can explain this is to compare it with a police officer or the job of an emergency medical technician. Both professions deal with some danger and traumatic situations. These professionals are just that, professionals who have learned to sort of desensitize themselves and to look at the daily tasks they do as simply a job.

They become accustomed to the gore of the daily aspects of "work", but they still hold onto some of the trauma, they hide it.

The same goes for an abuser and an abused woman. The events are very traumatic but when one feels trapped, they know the dangers but they desensitize themselves just enough to deal with it. When things go terribly wrong they search for help.
Woman stay because of the:

* Children
* Lack of money
* Lack of education
* Lack of transportation
* Lack of a vision for the future
* Lack of a home
* Lack of family or support
* Out of fear
* To protect other members of the household
* Some, just because they love their abuser...he'll change.

In relation with my own seven year bout with abuse, I too stayed for my child and because I though my husband would one day change. I realize now, that those were some truly foolish thoughts but not at the time. Abuse is usually not just physical, it's also verbally used. Abusers frighten their victims with big words to make them feel powerful and to keep that person under control.

Domestic violence is still on the rise, women, children and entire families suffer the physical and mental in this country everyday! If you want to help stop domestic violence, look for ways you can deploy a helping hand. If you own a business, display flyers, pamphlets or cards with telephone numbers to abuse shelters. If you don't have a place to display them, when you go out to eat, when you get gas in your car or go through the drive-thru restaurant ask to drop off some information for their customers. Either way, what ever you do, know that you could be saving the lives of hundreds or thousands of women's lives and sparing yet another child to be touched by the fate of domestic violence.
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