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Old 04-01-2011, 04:18 PM
Mess Mess is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Toronto
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Mess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the rough

This depends on the current order. If it specifies a strict schedule outlining what happens on holidays and how to arrange make up time, I would agree with you. If it is a quickie court order scrbbled by a judge that states 50/50 then I disagree.

On, for example, Tuesday when you pick up the child you send an email stating that you will be keeping her Friday to make up for a lost day and dropping her off Saturday. This gives the mother plenty of time to respond and be reasonable. If she doesn't respond reasonably then she has no argument. The courts require a denial of access to be for reasonable reasons. If the two parents can't agree on something, the answer is not to default to the mother, the answer is for a parent to do what is reasonable if there is no reasonable reason given.

If he does nothing about the lost access then he is just playing into her hands, she presents herself as the experienced caregiver who tends to the child when she's sick and the father is a clumsey oaf who should be at work. Over time she defeats the 60/40 with claimed illnesses, the child couldn't sleep last night, they are anxious, they aren't adjusting, there is a dentist appointment, blah blah blah.

I realize the your motiff Hammerdad is to document document document and then go back to court and show that she isn't following the order. So what happens? He's just going to get hit with whatever bias anyway. And she will have every excuse in the world why she had to take care of the fragile child on those days.

I'm not recommending that he become aggressive and stoop to her tactics, I'm recommending he be assertive (there is a big difference) and state that he is taking the make up days that he is entitled to.

Seriously I do this 2 or 3 times a month, I keep track of all the makeup days I'm owed and simply state to my ex that I'm keeping the kids on certain days, usually when there's a cool even we can attend. I don't give her a choice, but I give a few days warning so she can respond if there is a legitimate reason not to. I can guarentee if I were requesting and asking permission I would never see my kids.