Thread: How to proceed
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Old 04-25-2006, 08:22 AM
CatvsLion CatvsLion is offline
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Default How to proceed

Well I've been fairly quiet for the last couple of months because my x and I have been trying the councelling approach to help get to a joint custody agreement if possible.

Within these months things haven't been the best but they sure weren't the worst either. There was a lot of headway with regards to my girlfriend and the councellor basically told her that my relationship is going forward and time with my daughter and girlfriend was going to increase not decrease and there isn't much she can do about it. He also said that if my g/f and I were to move in the stipulation of overnights would have to be emended to include her.

Now in the last session she said she didn't want to continue sessions because she couldn't stand me and didn't want to have to deal with me at all. She said the last few months we haven't really had to deal with each other so that's why things have been ok.

The councellor was recommending a parallel parenting style and she didn't want to do this. He said he also recommended an assessment to be done - which she also didn't want to have done. He concluded by saying that our daughter is doing esecptionally well with both parents and there is no concern for her at all - and both parents seem to be able to parent her in a very positive maner. I asked the councellor for a report on his views/recommendations.

The councellor acknowledges that the amanosity between us is so great that he feels joint parenting wouldn't work at this time (why he suggested parallel parenting). He also recgonizes that the amanosity is caused because of my girlfriend and she has omitted that she with holds my daughter from me (for any extra time - or vacation sharing etc) because I'll most likely be spending it with my g/f. This is the other reason for him suggesting an assesment because she claims that we can't co-parent and that I'm a lier and he says that a further look would be required to make any further recommendations on custody.

He agreed to give us a letter/report but stated that it would be very short. My concern is that it'll just say that we can't co-parent and not why.

So basically I need to know what approach to take next - at it is, we're only really fighting for custody right now and then about the overnight stipulation that my x put in for my g/f (not spending overnights in the same house).

We've already had the case conference - which didn't go well at all because the judge couldn't make a ruling unless there was concent - and my overnights got taken away.

So do I now file a motion? How much leverage will the psychologist have on the custody? I do have lots of facts of how we've joint parented but she'll say he agrees that it won't work. Should I then push towards joint custody and failing that parellel parenting and failing that sole custody? I know logicalvelocity will say go for sole custody first... I've recommended this to my lawyer but he kind of dismissed it. Would this be a good tactic to go by even though I don't want sole custody unless all else were to fail?

I know she's just playing a game... all her little acqusations stopped while we were going to the councellor and the weekend after we stopped they started again. - stupid stuff like my daughter saw her in the shower and pointed and said 'mommies boobies'. She called me outraged saying that was inappropriate and where did she learn that from. - Well she learned that from me I said because I dont' wear my shirt sometimes and she asked. Then the next day I get an email saying she doesn't believe me and doesn't see how our daughter can make the connection between man and womens breasts and she must have seen my g/f's at some point! She drives me nuts!