I'm finding your situation very confusing. Are you definitely leaving, or just considering leaving him if he doesn't shape up? It sounds like he feels you've delivered an ultimatum, and not a decision, and is acting on it by getting into rehab, etc, to try to save his relationship with you. And I don't know why he would be putting his pension and insurance in your name when, if you're separating, he should be removing you! If you are definitely going with separation no matter what he works to improve, you may want to make sure he understands that as soon as possible, or you're just being cruel.
If you are really separating, what you want is a separation agreement, and it would be dated from when you began to live disconnected lives, physically, emotionally and financially. That date could certainly be before you actually move out. This could involve equalization and spousal support, depending on length of relationship, needs and arrangements and so on. Then you move out and leave him to his illness and someone else's care, and it would be up to him and your daughter, depending on her age, if they want to continue a parent/child relationship. You don't say if she's also his daughter, or from elsewhere, which could make a huge difference to that arrangement.
If you are just trying to make things more secure for you to remain together, based on his illness and erratic behaviour and any improvement rehab brings him, then some other contract might be more appropriate, but I'm not sure what it would be. If you want to continue to be considered a spouse, get a marriage type of contract, which I believe can be done at this date but only looking forwards, outlining each partner's responsibilities, especially financially as that appears to be your focus, and what would happen in the event of a future separation. If you want to lead your own personal life but still take care of him, transitioning to some sort of caregiver employment arrangement might be possible, whereby he pays you a regular amount out of his income to care for him as necessary. That would give you the financial security you indicate you need, but he would also be free to fire you and seek care elsewhere if he wants to.
However, I don't think you can retroactively just demand lump sum compensation for the years you cared for him after his accident as though you had been only a hired nurse and housekeeper all along.
|