When you were married did you ever go away for a night, weekend or any other trip? Do you think that he didn't bathe and dress the children, have them brush their teeth and cook them meals? I suspect he did, you just weren't there to see it.
People get trained by the people in their lives to do certain things. For example:
Sammy asks John to take out the garbage, John doesn't get up and do it right away but plans to do it later. Sammy gets frustrated and does it himself. Johnny sees no reason to get up as it's already done. Next time Sammy asks John to take out the garbage John doesn't bother planning to do it because he knows Sammy will do it. Sammy takes out the garbage, again. Sammy stops asking John to take out the garbage and does it himself because he knows he will end up doing it himself anyways, John is unaware since Sammy didn't ask. Sammy resents John for not taking out the garbage, John has no idea because Sammy didn't ask. Sammy is frustrated with John for not contributing more, John is frustrated with Sammy for expecting him to be a mind-reader.
Chances are pretty good that when you weren't around to do 'everything', your 'John' actually did those things.
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Part of having a family (or so I had hoped) is sharing the responsibility of being a caregiver and spouse.
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Did you just
hope it would happen naturally or did the two of you sit down and communicate what that meant to each of you?