Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic
EXCUSE ME??? Have you ever been abused? Do you KNOW what that does to a person?? Maybe if the father WAS abusive and has changed his ways, but not if he is continuing to abuse.
Like I said before, the loss and abandonment issues are NOTHING compared to the damage done to a child who has learned that love=hitting, yelling and abuse.
I know this for a fact. My ex was the one subject to abuse his whole life, and he grew up to be exactly like his father. His father left the home when his much younger brother was only 3. Yes, he suffered, a LOT, but that teenager is not angry, does not lash out at people and knows how to show love. Yes, he has abandonment issues and needs his older brother's guidance, but HE is not abusive himself.
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I have to ask this then, if it was the the mother, would your position be any different? What and how much would constitute abuse or abusive? Any amount or any form?
Have you ever yelled at your kids, have you ever grabbed them by the arm, that may have been a little too rough?....and I'm just using "you" in general terms....I don't me you as a person, but hypothetically.
The reason why I asked this because I was in an 'abusive' relationship, where my ex 'abused' the children. For example, once was in a Wal-Mart and mom slapped son across the face. Another time I came home son had mom's hand print across son's face....and one last example, but certainly not least she was bathing our son in the tub, I heard her voice getting louder, I had a broken ankle, I got up stairs to witness her, shaking him by the arm and yelling at him, "sit still, you worthless piece of sh!t".
So, I have to ask, should a mother continue to mother? I did not report this? Should I be a father? At the time my ex was in depression, tried to commit suicide, I found her and called 911. I wanted to help, I didn't think, at the time removing me or the children would help on make things worse, to finally one day I couldn't take it anymore...too many images in my head. So I told her we were braking up? So, she beat me to the punch line, moved the children out, wouldn't let me see them, and demanded CS.
I could have in hindsight...we all know about hind sight...reported all of this...but didn't as I wanted the children to have a mother, her to get help.....she even called me on it, blaming me, stating, I should have reported her and why didn't I? That it was all my fault. I really started to believe it myself!
I think it's tough question? To make moves that would eliminate a parent from our children's lives. And we need to be careful, to what we believe is abusive.
You know that in trial, this postpartum issue for woman, I'm a bastard if I try and bring any issue, including abuse into court that was in any time linked to her 'condition', not only that, I'm chastised for it.
I as a man, have to wonder, if this was reversed, would I have those same protections from the courts or the public? I'm thinking not!
Sorry for the long response...when I read the issues in here, it just brings up a lot of crap that I went through not only as a parent, but as a father, question that I have in my mind.