Unfortunately, the fact of the matter is that we are all emotionally driven human beings, whose ability to maintain rational thought is greatly diminshed during a marital breakdown...
Maturity levels aside... each party (regardless of gender), wants to play the part of the victim.... pointing fingers and laying blame on each other for their circumstances.
Anger, resentment and bitterness overrule what is right and fair. Rarely does either party openly admit that they are BOTH AT FAULT....regardless of who served the final blow.
How many posts have you read on here where men and women want to "tell their children why the marriage ended", or make statements like, "when they are older they will understand what he/she did to this family"?
It is disgusting, but an unfortunate reality.
Is the system greatly flawed...
damn right it is, and you would be hard pressed to find
anyone who has any
real knowledge of family law, who would disagree.
Is there a gender bias...
ofcourse there is. And as DTTE, MESS, and LEAF have all pointed out... there are reasons why this is true.
Does it make it right.... NO! Is there an easy solution... NO!!
The government/courts have the impossible job of trying to sort through the endless piles of false accusations and bullshit, to try and determine what is really and truly "best for the children".
Sure, there are lots of families that split the child rearing 50/50... and there are just as many families who, for whatever reason, have had to choose a primary caregiver for the children. There are many emotionally/mentally unstable women, and just as many aggressive, abusive men, and vice versa.
When the time comes.... who do you believe? How do you decipher the truth from the lies?
Can 50/50 be the default?
Sure, if Mom and Dad both work 9 to 5 Monday thru Friday and live in the same school district. Sounds simple enough....
But what if Parent #1 is a Firefighter/Police Officer/Correctional Worker/Factory Worker/Truck Driver/Registered Nurse etc. and works a rotating schedule of 12 hour shifts, days/nights/weekends/holidays.... and Parent #2 is a Dental Hygenist/Legal Assistant/Office Worker/Retail Worker, who has a standard "dream" work week of Mon to Fri 9-5??
Then what? On Parent #1's week... they will have to get some miracle child care provider who is willing to work overnights and swing shifts....
and prove that being in the care of said Nanny is better than being at home with Parent #2......Yeah Good Luck with THAT!!
My point is, every family situation is different, and there is no cookie cutter solution to the mess that is Divorce... Each situation should be looked at individually and a solution should be based on what is not only best for the children... but
also best for the parents.
Problem is, there are too many lies, manipulations and emotional garbage that gets in the way.... and thousands of blood sucking Lawyers just standing on the sidelines waiting to pounce on the emotionally driven parents....
I have no brilliant ideas that will fix everything..... but it seems that no one else does either.