1. Shared Parenting: I don't know what your odds are, I would like to eventually read how you do. You should certainly take parenting courses. You should find some activity centres near you where you can take the baby to play and socialize with other kids. These are parenting centres, like indoor playgrounds really, where the parents can sit and chat and the kids play. The thing is to know about places like these, know about resources in your area, and make plans in advance so that when a judge asks you, you can have a good answer.
The best way to ensure shared parenting after separation is to have shared parenting when you are together. Spend as much time with the child as possible, involve yourself in the care, learn all about taking care of the baby. This is easier to do when they are older, you have your work cut out for you.
The one advantage you have over a child that is, say, 3 or older, is that the baby at this point isn't aware of any "status quo". This should be a main part of your argument. The baby right now will barely notice the difference of the mom ending maternity leave, and a switch to a shared parenting schedule. But you need act on this fast.
2. Spousal & Mobility: You need to be careful about suing her. You both could end up with imputed income. You are better off negotiating this. Also, if your plan is to threaten a lawsuit to stop her from moving, I can see why you would do this, but that is duress, and those things never end well. I would say to you, separate the two. If you think you have a case for spousal, make the case and then if it flies, offer to reduce or give up spousal in exchange for xyz.
For mobility, two hours away is long and far. You would have a better case if the child was older and had some connection to the neighbourhood, friends, school, etc. Even so, she is moving to another town, you have a good argument to stop her. This is really hard to advise you on, it could go either way. You need to stress that she is moving away from a good job, and will at best get a poor job and she has an obligation (as do you) to do her best to maintain her existing income level.
3. Self Rep with means: Self rep is extremely difficult, especially if you are fighting for custody. Your means won't enter into it. Judges don't really "like" anyone who self reps, as I hear, it makes their job harder, but they are trained and have an oblgation to be fair. I would say that your decision to self rep should be based on what kind of lawyer your ex comes up with. At this point in your travels, don't have your heart set on self rep, it is not a solution, it is a possibility.
4. Awarding Court Costs: Court costs are awarded if you have made a "fair" offer, she turns it down, the court awards something equal or higher, and then it is obvious she made the two of you go through court for nothing. If you self rep, I believe you can ask for some costs but they will be little. You cannot charge for your own time. If you have a lawyer then you can seek a portion of your legal fees. You have so many variables in your case, I wouldn't count on costs. You may or may not get custody. You have no idea what Child support will be, since you don't know the custodial result. You don't know if either of you can claim spousal. You may win some of these issues and lose others.
5. Temp Advice: The Law Society of Upper Canada as a lawyer referral service (see their web page) it is $5 or so on your phone bill and you get a half hour consultation with a lawyer, qualified in family law. Use this to speak with several lawyers. Have a list of questions and copy out some pages with your basic personal data and financial details (your income tax assessment for last 3 years, hers for last 3 years, or estimates, net worth of both of you before marriage, net worth at separation, how long together, etc.) Triple space the paragraphs so you/the lawyer can write notes on each section.
Find a lawyer that is first of all willing to work as a consultant for your self rep. Learn your rights, obligations and possibilities right off the top and then ask the lawyer what steps they can best help you with.
Family Law Rules Read this over thoroughly and decide if you feel up to self rep.
6. Ex's Lies: What lies? Neither of you have any previous parenting experience. She has no direct observation of you with the child. Judge's aren't stupid and don't put a lot of weight on he said/she said. Take parenting courses, find out about all resources in your area. Be prepared to explain to the judge how you will care for your child.
Parenting Plans Read about parenting plans and then write up one, as detailed as you possibly can. Be prepared, know your stuff. If you are knowledgeable and she tries to say you are not, the truth will speak for itself.
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