If he was working 12 hours regularly and not spending any time with your child when the child is with him, then that is enough to apply for a motion to change. However I don't think that is your issue.
Giving permission for her to pick up your child should be only out of necessity. if you can, explain to your ex how happy your child is when daddy picks her up. I know my daughter is happier when I pick her up rather than her Grandma. Hopefully he will make it a priority to pick her up and only have the GF do it when he can't.
No, right of first refusal is not really all that powerful, I think it is mainly something just to assuade one parent or the other. I would like it, but don't expect it to be enforced as we both have several family members who we agree can care for our child in absence.
Maybe it could be clarified so that if one parent is not available for overnights or 8 hours (or whatever) then the other parent gets first refusal. Personally I wouldn't want my ex trying to invoke it whenever I wanted to go out late, so it would have to be for a length of time over 12 hours or overnight. Even then the occasional overnight my mom would want to watch her. Just remember that whatever you think is reasonable for your ex must also apply to you.
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