[Mess]

I'm not sure where you live or what jurisdiction the laws are.

Generally the default law when couples split is that each has joint custody, unless there is a very good reason to prove sole custody. The trend these days is to have shared parenting, somewhere between 40/60% unless there is a very good reason not to.

She can't just automaticly move away with the kids. The fact that you suspect this could happen should enable you to take steps beforehand.

Here is some personal advice: Your wife sounds so much like mine, and your marriage so much like mine that it is crazy. Your wife is probably Narcissistic or boarderline. She won't take responsibility for anything that goes wrong. She blames you. This means she will never change herself, and even if you take 15 self-improvement courses, things won't improve because both people have to change to solve a problem.

You really have to come to terms with that, her behaviour will grind you down until you can barely take care of yourself, much less your family.

Here is what you can do to protect yourself:

Keep an eye on the family finances and don't let her run up huge debt. You will have to split the debt. Don't allow joint accounts or at least make sure that joint accounts have limited funds for day to day bills.

Be as involved with the children as you possibly can. Spend a few hours a day caring for them exclusively when you get home from work. Frame it as giving your wife a break, encourage her to go out with friends, or you take the kids out. Take them to the doctor, dentist, out on playdates with their friends and other parents. Be visible in the community with them, don't let her in the future make claims that you were an absent parent.

Read them stories at night and put them to bed. When they are sick, take a few days off work to help your wife take care of them.

You have to establish yourself as a caregiver and fully involved with the children. You need to engage in shared parenting NOW if you are going to have a half a hope to get it when you split. (You WILL split, I'm sorry, if not now, then some day.)

As a side benefit, your children will become just as attached to you as they are to your wife and would not accept your wife taking them away.

If you say you can't do this, then figure out why the hell not. Why did you become a parent then? If you can't, or won't, then you aren't losing anything if she takes them away. This is the tough part of my advice, you have to make the hard decisions and change things.

In getting along with your wife, you have to play the game, at least for a while. Things have to change so you are fully involved so you have a hope of keeping your kids. Explain everything so it is to her advantage. It gives her time to herself, time to spend with her friends, it equalizes the workload, etc.

Try to hold out at least until the kids get to school age. Establishing them at the school, getting them involved with activities, lessons, friendships etc puts roots in your neighbourhood and means you have a much better chance of arguing that they can't be removed.

Most of the things I'm describing, your wife will enjoy anyway, she will love you helping more with the children. The difference between this and a family that works, and you will keep this to yourself, is that you aren't a family. There is time where you are with the kids, there is time where she is. You are already separated, you just live together. I'm sure you know this already.

Talk to your doctor and try to get a therapist, maybe keep this to yourself, but the future will be hard, and you need help getting through this.

Again, keep an eye on finances. You will have to split assets, that will be hard enough, but if you build up debt this will be a killer.

Try to get through the next few years at least, but have a plan and become a shared parent with your kids. Keep researching the laws and understand how to make your position stronger.