[Mess]

Originally Posted by representingself

Part of the reason why I tracked my ex down in the first place, was because I was finally getting married and wanted my ex to step aside and allow my new husband to adopt her.

We do not "need" his financial contributions, we provide well for her without his assistance.

NOW, he wants to sign off his parental rights in exchange for a release from paying CS. When I refused is when he claimed "hardship".

He is ready to take you up on your original offer, but you are taking the offer back.

It's because your daughter is curious about him, yes, but if the adoption had gone through years ago, she would still be curious, she would still want to make contact, and she could still do that with or without your approval.

Many adopted children make contact with their bio parents when they get older, with mixed results. There are no guarentees in life.

Adopting or not adopting won't change anything for your daughter. She will still have the same relationship you and your husband, and her bio-father will still be the same person, she won't have any different relationship with him either way.

I have offered access to him and his mother and they refuse....well actually the grandmother refuses and my ex just ignores me completely.

But the problem now is that he is asking for access?

And I realize I am over simplifying, but the situation is becoming over complicated. There are too many mixed motivations here, and you need to sort that out and prioritize.

You have provided for your child just fine for years, and you were willing to sign off on the adoption years ago. If that had happened, you wouldn't have received any support whatsoever. He is fighting you now because you are requesting the arrears support, money that you were perfectly willing to give up before.

You don't want to give it up now, but it's unclear why. Because you feel he shouldn't just be able to walk away?

Staying tied to him financially means you stay tied to him. That part has nothing to do with your daughter, who can call hem or not, be rejected or welcomed, regardless of her adoption status. The adoption is for you and your husband.

The ultimate question is, what is the best interest of your daughter here? And I think the best interest is an end to the conflict.

This is an ugly situation no matter how you slice it. But if you think the adoption is a bad idea now, then it was a bad idea years ago, and will be a bad idea in the future. So let it go and be clear about that and sue him for support.

If you want to offer him a deal, then offer it and keep it on the table. I'm sorry, but what you've done is snatched it away from him when he decided to take it. Yes, he decided in his own interests, not your daughter's. You already know that about him, you've known it for years.

Why should I just let him disappear?

Because he will continue to cause you hardship for as long as he is tied to your life.