Hi Lacey,
It is because we have been through it and we have learned first hand what happens if you hold on to your anger in this.
It drags out the process, it makes it more expensive, it makes it more complicated and it ends up hurting the kids.
For example my ex is on heavy anti-anxiety medication, can't sleep, has gone on disability at work, all because of the stress and anger going on. I am on anti-depressants. We are both in therapy. We could have settled 2 1/2 years ago, but she refused because every time we sat down to talk, she got caught up in this obsessive cycle of criticisms of me.
Now, some of those criticisms are valid. Some are exagerated. Some are things she's made up and spread around to our friends and family. But none of it is helping us reach a settlement, it's not helping our mounting legal bills, it's not helping our health.
I don't doubt that your ex is a jerk. If he wasn't, then you wouldn't be needing a lawyer, you would just need a marriage councillor.
The advice we are giving is because the courts don't have a grudge against either of you, and they won't make a decision about your kids and support due to him being a jerk to you. They don't care about who or what is to blame for the marriage failing. They don't look at the past and try to work out those problems, they look to the future and work out where you go from here.
Divorce should be a clean slate to move on. Most of the time it isn't, really, especially when you have kids. But as much as possible try to make it that.
None of us is saying you are wrong about him, but we are trying to say, the decisions that happen right now can't be based on that.
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