View Single Post
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 11-30-2009, 11:49 AM
NoahsDaddy NoahsDaddy is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 34
NoahsDaddy is on a distinguished road
Default

I agree with the last two posters; if the father is genuinely interested in having a meaningful relationship with the child, why would you want to take that away from the child? As I said in a previous post, if the father is not interested, that will ultimately be his choice to make and/or live with while he meets his financial obligations to that child.

Again, nobody on this board has ever met this man...but, you will need to have some way of proving all of these accusations in court. I wouldn't expect to just walk in there, say he's an alcoholic and whatever else and then see the judge say "oh, okay, he can't see the child." It doesn't work that way.

Allowing anger and hard feelings to influence your entire thought process is never going to lead to any type of constructive resolution to anything...neither is threatening return visits to court if he "slips up." It's hard enough to be parent sometimes as it is, let alone trying to do so and build a relationship with your child while you have to worry about somebody else scrutinizing your every move.

I still believe that the judge may (if he wants it) grant you a brief period of supervised access...simply because the child is only 5 months old. Unless he poses a real (not a bunch of heresay) danger, that supervised access will not carry on forever and he will eventually progress to having the child overnight etc. If the two of you cannot demonstrate an ability to be civil and make decisions about the child together, he will likely not get any type of custody as it pertains to decision making. In my opinion, this is where the system is flawed: one person can try to improve communication while the other one sits there and chooses to be difficult. Then, the difficult person can go into court and say "we can't get along."

Along with what dadtotheend said above, it takes two people to engage in the act that results in a child; if you can make that choice, a responsible person commits themselves to ensuring that the child gets everything they need...including a meaningful relationship with both parents. If he had a history of the behaviour that you mention, I would assume it (and the associated red flags) was there before the child? Just because, in the end, you don't "like" the other parent, it doesn't mean that the child won't...and it's not up to you to make that decision for the child.

Try offering him some time to see the child; even if it involves having a grandparent or someone else there that you are comfortable with present. Keep track of emails, phone calls etc and I would suggest email more...at least then, you have record of it. Anyone can make claims about phone conversations. If he accepts and takes the opportunity while being civil about it, it's a step in the right direction. In the same token, you cannot do this and make it completely unbearable for him to be there either. If he chooses not to see his child, it will reflect negatively on him and could be what you need in terms of attempting to remove him from your childs' life.
Reply With Quote