Can you two communicate directly with each other? Have you successfully in the past? Have you given your ex the opportunity to be involved in decision making(however small) regarding your child and he has not bothered or refused?
If you have "defacto" sole custody already which means for all intents a purposes, you have been forced to make all day to day decisions alone it is likely to continue and be ordered by a judge, and your ex has likely been advised of this by a lawyer.
Perhaps, depending on your situation(I have no idea what it is) you can reassure him that you have your child's best interests at heart.
Sole custody with liberal visitation by the other parent sounds like a reasonable solution. Perhaps your ex has been discussing reducing his child support obligation and has learned that custody is shared 50/50 he will owe significantly less. I don't know your situation.
Most people on here have acrimonious situations so that is why I am even suggesting sole custody might be appropriate. Joint custody is only recommended where parents can communicate well in the best interests of the child.
Being in the legal system for years has taught me that the earlier you can hammer out an agreement, the better it is for you and your child. Don't allow it to continue with the lawyers. Be straight with the lawyer that you will need to have quick settlement and you won't litigate in court.
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