[melee]

Before I get into the crazy message that we received today. I will fill you in on our situation.

My DH (or soon to be) seperated from his ex in 2006. Current custody arragement was a typical alternate weekends with a couple of week day visits. Divorce papers served to DH. DH wants more time with them. fair enough?

Feb 08 - Ex goes on a business trip and would like us to watch the kids during the week. no problem. During that week, DH's daughter experiences anxiety which would be normal since she has never spent the night on a weeknight before. Ex comes back from the trip, and off they go home...We get a suprising call from Dh's daughter saying how much she loves her dad and misses him. they talk for a bit and said their goodbyes. DH waits for daughter to hang up the phone....but daughter dosen't hang up the phone, it's still on the hook. Then for the next 1hour and 43 mins we hear ex SOBBING hysterically! Ex is asking daughter "i'm not home for even two hours and you call your dad and tell him that you love him 3x and have not once told me you loved me?"...and it goes on and on...(we spoke to ex about this and she "swears" that its an isolated incident and would not happen again...but we don't know that.)

oct 2008 - ex demands to have the week day visits removed do to the recommendations of the "school psycologist" otherwise ex will restrict all access. (the school psycologist works with DH son because he has a developmental delay and his moods have been up and down since he was a baby. so by us cutting the weekday visits out, it will not be a bad transition for him...apparently.). So, we agree to drop the weeknight visits and came up with 3 weekends on, one weekend on Friday to Monday.

*note, ex utilizes two respite workers during the week on two different nights

still no divorce.

June 2009 - ex wants the arrangments changed. Now, DH's daughter (8yr) is saying "mom is mad because you have us too much on the weekends"...We try to comprimise with ex and give her an arrangement but refuses.

August 2009 - case conference, waste of time and money. still in the same boat

Sept 2009 - DH's kids come over for the weekend. daughter is sobbying and dry heaving...daughter says "i want to be with mom. mom says her bf is out of town and she is not doing anything. she says she wishes she had us for the weekend instead". daughter is taken to the hospital because she will not stop heaving. Mom shows up and takes her home.

the next day we FINALLY meet with EX and she seems civil. EX now agrees to the arrangment we propsed to her back in june (two weekend on, one weekend off Friday to Tuesday with split christmas, split spring break) and a PROMISE to get consent order in place and close up the divorce...Perfect right?

current arrangment is in place.

following weekend we have the kids again. daughter is crying and says "Mom says that if she can change the arrangement she could be the judge won't let her.." daughter lands in the hospital again. DH's son has no issues.

November 2009 - receive a letter from Ex's lawyer requesting the custody be changed to alternate weekends friday to sunday. Still no divorce.

We advised ex that the only way this arrangment will change is if it is a closed divorce with open custody. DH is willing to cut his time back to help daughter get better but will not have the door shut on him! Got a voice message from her saying:

"I'm not sure why you have this sensitive entitlement about how often you see the kids because as far as this goes, you are entitled to traditional visitation and tradidtional visitation only. And you want to keep fighting this, your daughter dosen't want to come over now, keep pushing and we'll see how this goes...So I suggest you try giving a little or I will drag this out...."

I'm so sick of her trying to act like a gatekeep for these kids. She is turning daughter against her dad and that's not right!