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Old 11-09-2017, 02:15 PM
hellocolor hellocolor is offline
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Default Just to correct a few misconceptions here:

Originally Posted by FightingForFamily View Post
As a male victim of dv, did you receive the same level of financial, social and emotional support that a female victim of dv would?

Were you able to flee anonymously to a shelter with your children, be put into protective care and have your financial and legal needs taken care of for you while you hid in a place of safety?

Did you call the police and was your abuser arrested, jailed and charged and punished to the full extent of the law?

Due to your abuser's violence nature, could they not see their children at all, or only the watch of trained social workers at a supervised access centre?

Or was your dv not taken seriously by anyone else while you were expected to man up?
Just to correct some misconceptions here:

As a FEMALE victim of ongoing dv, I can tell you I did not receive any financial support and the social support I received was very minimal.

When I tried to flee with my children, the shelters in my area were full and I was put on a waiting list (yeah...). I had to go to a hôtel but it wasn't sustainable for me financially so I had to go back home.

Women shelter do not take care of your financial or legal needs unless you are admissible to legal aid. They just shelter you for a few days and give you internet ressources or brochures to find your own apartment, job, lawyer and help yourself (they call this 'empowerment').

When I called the police, noone was arrested or jailed. He said I attacked him and they believed him (note that he assaulted me in my sleep that day...). As soon as the police left, things obviously got even worst and I wished I had never called.

In Qc, domestic abusers get awarded 50/50 custody by default as anybody else unless they have abused the children too. Punching your wife does not come into the equation in awarding custody.*

I am expected to "woman up", "help myself", "coparent" and "be kind" to my abuser "for the best interest of the kids". He still uses threats and blackmail to control my life to this day and he stalls the divorce process at every turn.

My lawyer doesn't understand my need for a strict and detailed parental agreement and is not very helpful apart from splitting material/financial assets fairly. I look like the "difficult" parent.

Court treat everyone as if they are angry lying resentful exes to the detriment of true victims of dv whether they are male or female.

* Just in case you don't believe me, here are some sources confirming this:
See third column of the little table regarding awarding custody after dv : "Proving cruelty can be difficult if the other spouse does not admit to it. Even if cruelty is proved, this doesn’t benefit the spouse who was mistreated because the judge can’t punish the other one for being cruel."

"Par exemple, on ne tient pas compte des actes passés de violence conjugale, à moins que cela représente un danger actuel pour la sécurité de l’enfant"
La garde des enfants avant et après une séparation

Maybe things are better in Ontario, idk... I hope so...
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