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Old 09-22-2017, 02:52 PM
1ati2de 1ati2de is offline
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 64
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Originally Posted by ifonlyihadknown View Post
Of course, I'm biased, but when I read this, it seems that all the responsibility is on one party and none on the other. "You made a choice..." "You stayed for 20 years." "You got yourself into this mess." You could have just walked out on your family when your spouse didn't go back to work.

If the other spouse had the opportunity to go out and work and decided it was easier to stay at home, where is there responsibility? As it's set up now, the less you do, the longer you do it, the greater the rewards. And you are not responsible for anything, despite being an adult.

I heard this a lot during my separation and found it really annoying. In my personal case, my choice was to dig my own grave deeper, or walk away earlier. Sure it's a choice, but it's a choice similar to drinking cyanide or drinking hemlock - not much of a choice.

I bear all the responsibility, my ex, none. I have to work and maintain my SS payments until at least 65, if I don't, my wages are garnished, I loose my driver's license and passport, and I can go to jail. I can never choose to work part time, retire early, or to try and find work in a different field that I might find more rewarding. If I'm ever out of a job, I'm finished.

On the other hand, my ex is retired at as of the date of the separation agreement with a full pension (paid by me), no responsibility to do anything to become self-sufficient. Cash, prizes, and fun!

I don't know how common my case is. Whether it is an outlier or not. But to me, the system definitely needs reform; some shared responsibility to start.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, no matter how you cut it this is wrong. You are a pretty strong individual and I respect you for keeping it together.
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