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Old 09-22-2017, 12:40 PM
ifonlyihadknown ifonlyihadknown is offline
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
You made a choice to stay with someone who insisted on staying at home. You stayed for 20 years. You were complacent in this. You got yourself into this mess. If you had been married for say five years and left when the kids started school and she still refused to work and then were ordered to pay thousands a month for the rest of her life maybe I would feel sympathetic but you got the result you did because you were married for 20 years to someone who didnt go to work.
Of course, I'm biased, but when I read this, it seems that all the responsibility is on one party and none on the other. "You made a choice..." "You stayed for 20 years." "You got yourself into this mess." You could have just walked out on your family when your spouse didn't go back to work.

If the other spouse had the opportunity to go out and work and decided it was easier to stay at home, where is there responsibility? As it's set up now, the less you do, the longer you do it, the greater the rewards. And you are not responsible for anything, despite being an adult.

I heard this a lot during my separation and found it really annoying. In my personal case, my choice was to dig my own grave deeper, or walk away earlier. Sure it's a choice, but it's a choice similar to drinking cyanide or drinking hemlock - not much of a choice.

I bear all the responsibility, my ex, none. I have to work and maintain my SS payments until at least 65, if I don't, my wages are garnished, I loose my driver's license and passport, and I can go to jail. I can never choose to work part time, retire early, or to try and find work in a different field that I might find more rewarding. If I'm ever out of a job, I'm finished.

On the other hand, my ex is retired at as of the date of the separation agreement with a full pension (paid by me), no responsibility to do anything to become self-sufficient. Cash, prizes, and fun!

I don't know how common my case is. Whether it is an outlier or not. But to me, the system definitely needs reform; some shared responsibility to start.
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