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Old 09-15-2017, 12:53 AM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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Default unpleasant exchanges at daycares with witnesses present..

Hi friends, I have a bit of an odd and very awkward situation. We are currently (given the other parent's demands) doing exchanges at the babysitters who is actually not looking after the child at those times, but rather just being there to ensure the exchanges go smoothly. THe other parent will not permit pickups from school and there is no requirement that exchanges be monitored or supervised. It is simply a mom-made law.

further to that, the daycare is not someone who I view as a neutral 3rd party given unpleasant disparaging comments made by her to our child, as well as her verbally attacking me in front of the child, and making unfounded allegations to the CAS about me. There is no ongoing relationship with babysitter and myself, and babysitter has instructed child to not hug me on pikcups, and requested that I ask someone else to do pickups as she does not wish to see me ever since I redirected the CAS allegations to her. But she has started showing her face again, giving me the stink eye and throwing insults at me as much as she possibly can. I have told the other parent that I am not conmfortable with current babysitter, asked to switch babysitters, and asked to do pickups from school, but it doesn't matter what I say and it is always pay pay pay and do do do.

As per the other parent herself, she shows up at daycares with sister and takes child to see babysitter during my parenting time and makes me wait at least 5-15 minutes before releasing child. This has gotten quite annoying and I'm finding myself just waiting for child to be released, and very recently, , babysitters client's hangout outside and I have to physically walk up to mom and babysitter in their huddle circle in order for child to be released to me (very awkward with the stink eye from babysitter and mom and her 45 witnesses all staring me down making me feel uncomfortable).

Mom has made allegations of domestic violence and threats against me and seeked restraining orders. No charges have ever been laid and no restraining orders have ever been granted. I don't really trust these people so I like to keep my distance but I see the child being caught in the middle of this all.

What is the best thing for me to do? Just continue walking up to them after few minutes giving everyone some time to cool down ? I usually wait for opportunity for child to look at me then I engage so child just comes to me. CHild has been told not to come to me unless i go to her first, and keeps looking at mom until mom says yes. Recently, child was asked to sit in the car as soon as I arrived. It came obvious mom and babysitter wanted to engage with me about something in front of child and I overheard babysitter telling mom's sister to start recording on her phone and so I kept my distance.

Mom is trying to prove we don't get along and so joint custody and shared parenting are not appropriate, I am trying to prove we do get along but mom just looks for ways to create conflict and just claim we don't get along as she has sole custody and it is easy for her to do just that.

Anyone else been in this situtation ? Some questions for me are why does exchanges need to be at babysitter when I can pikcup from school? WHy does mom have to be there? Why does babysitter have to show up when child isn't even in care after school when the exchanges happen and can mom and babysitter use this as ammo against me? If we need someone to monitor exchanges, then why only for pickups and not for drop offs?

OCL is involved and investigating, and will be interviewing teachers, daycare,doctors etc.

Any thoughts or questions? What could OCL get from this? And what is the best way for me to raise this with OCL? I have previously just mentioned school pickusp would be best as it would reduce conflict, I wouldn't have to see her and she wouldn't have to see me. Conflict would be reduced and we could better get along and coparent for our child's wellbeing and future. Are recent occurrences worth mentioning to OCL ?
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