Thread: Sole vs joint
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Old 08-13-2017, 12:18 AM
Ange71727 Ange71727 is offline
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Originally Posted by ensorcelled View Post
First, look into Gray Rock method of communicating. It's saved my sanity.

Second, I put 'by-when' on most of things that require joint communicaiton and there is generally no response on the other end and I end up making the decision. So for our son's birthday, I sent him an idea and date, and he responded with nothing. I followed up two weeks later with 'I haven't heard from you regarding the birthday so if you don't object I will book everything by Friday. Looking forward to seeing you at Lasertag!'

Spoiler: I booked everything by Friday.

Does that help?

I'll look into the Gray Rock. I already try to respond minimally but then he will tell me I am not communicating and turn it into "I'm not informing him of things" because I don't send a thousand emails a week.
He would be the opposite of your ex - if I said I will book it all by Friday unless you object to something, he would 100% find something to object to and turn it into a huge problem.

He used to be exactly like your ex, which is why this is such an issue now. He has realized he screwed up by allowing a certain status quo for the way things are done and having me take care of most kid related things for years. The Birthday example you raise is actually a pertinent one ironically. My kids come to me to plan/book/organize birthdays every year. It's just a given. He has never wanted to take the reins on that and I happily do it. This year when I informed him of what his son would be doing (at son's request) he flipped out and told me I was making unilateral decisions (even though this was his son's own request). I even invited him even though the last party he came to was 6 years ago. It's "known" that I do the classmates party and he does his own thing with family; however it was a big deal this year (with pending court case) that I didn't consult. I offered for us to alternate each year since this now mattered to him and he said he didn't want it to be so "formulaic" which is really code for "I don't want to actually plan and pay for the party, I just want to complain about you doing it".

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