View Single Post
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 07-30-2017, 12:28 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,810
Pursuinghappiness will become famous soon enough

Originally Posted by Karma2016 View Post
Piggyback, I was a working mom at the beginning of our 23 year marriage. I worked for a school board and had a potentially nice career ahead of me. While pregnant with baby number 3 while our oldest was only three (3 kids in three years), my "Wasband", an employment lawyer, advised me to take an attractive buy-out the board was offering as it merged with another. In fact, he was my independent legal advice the board paid for before I could accept the buy-out.

So I stayed home with the kids. There was no need for daycare costs and latchkey, and Wasband left the house at 5:00 am and returned at 6:00 pm every week day coming home to a perfectly cooked meal. And he went to the office Sunday nights. To this day he still does this. He never had to adjust his schedule, could travel at leisure when necessary, and build himself a solid practice.

He did NOTHING at home, not even the yard work. Not even shovelling the snow. So please don't tell me he paid for my shelter and food like I should be grateful. It was an agreed partnership and he discouraged me to find work once the children were in school because that would have meant him having to be more hands on at home.

I am now 52 and have not worked in an office setting (I was a paralegal) for 18 years, since before the internet was a thing. I am not very marketable and will never find employment to be self-sufficient to the standard of living I have been.

Staying at home with three babies was not fun, nor is it a cop out.
Ugh, this post. This is precisely the reason why so many men are afraid of women and choose not to marry decent, hard-working women.

First, when you don't work all day, your job is to take care of the house. You're not commuting or working all day and taking care of a house doesn't take a full-day. It takes, on average, a couple hours. Cooking takes about another hour. I know...cause I've worked full-time and still take care of 90% of the house tasks and all the cooking and I did 100% of everything when I was single. I know a lot of women that do. So to have the expectation that a working person is going to support a needy dependent AND then come home and take care of the house is ridiculous.

Second, the decision to stay home for years and years....long past the time the kids were in school wasn't just his decision, it was yours too. And making adult decisions comes with risk. The risk for you is that your marriage could end and you are going to have a lifestyle change because you made the irresponsible decision to sit around and not earn an income or get work experience. I assume you're not going over to clean his new house or cook dinner for him every day why should he have to pay you from his hard work for the rest of his life. Making dumb decisions comes with risks....and that you think you don't have to now assume that risk is also ridiculous.

Third, you CAN work. In fact, normal women enjoy and relish the feeling of dignity that comes with self-reliance. You may not walk into a perfect career at this point but so what? There is no shame in working. I was raised with that principle and teach that to my girls everyday. My mom had 5 kids, was single most of my adult life and worked full-time into her 60s at a bank. Cleaning the toliets everyday and doing it well is preferable over the shame of sitting around on your ass all day begging someone else for money. They are looking for workers everywhere and its long past time for you to recognize what it actually takes to earn a living. Then maybe you'd have some appreciation and perspective on other people's money.

Lastly, your entitlement attitude is absurd and pathetic. No one...NO ONE...deserves a "lifestyle" based on someone else's hard work. You've reminded me of how lucky I am that my mom always impressed on us the necessity of working hard and relying on no one. And as a mother, I've taught my girls to act like adults and not leech off of anyone...certainly not a man. There is dignity and pride in earning a living. And if they ever become mothers, they have the duty to provide for their children...especially financially. Financial burdens don't just fall on men...they fall on both adult parents. Otherwise, with no man around...everything falls apart.

I'm glad to see the attitudes of young women changing from this toxic mindset. It can't happen soon enough. And to men who've been financially abused by women like this...I'm sorry. Not all of us have this mindset. There's a lot of good decent women out there who want to be real partners and aren't looking to take advantage of men.
Reply With Quote