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Old 07-29-2017, 04:08 PM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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[QUOTE If he's paying support and education costs, shouldn't he be receiving info too?][/QUOTE]

I am not a lawyer nor do I understand the legal system so take my opinion with a grain of salt but no I don't think that is necessarily true. Once you are in a mature minor situation or adult you decide who knows information about you, not your parents.

If you were paying the costs for postsecondary as a parent, you should know where the school is located and see a bill for tuition, but you would have no access to any more specific information such as which classes, or grades or disciplinary issues. Perhaps if there was something written into the agreement that parents agreed to only pay for passing grades, but otherwise I can't see that the parent would have any ability to have that information unless the adult child disclosed it.

In a mature minor medical situation I think it would be similar. Unless the child discloses it to you herself or gave consent to the medical system, you could not get any information. I think a good guideline would be if the child is being treated as a mature minor, therefore the medical system cannot (and ethically should not), give information out to anyone without the consent of the minor, it is realistic to expect that anyone who the child confided in about the situation should also not be talking about the issue with other people.

If your teen tells you something in confidence and then you go and tell another family member, that is only going to undermine the trust your child has in you. It is very important for teens to have at least one person they trust and can keep the lines of communication open. This is a safety issue. If you blab about issue A, they might not bring issue B or C or D to you next time. If you are not the person your teen trusts to share their confidential information with I think you have a better chance of bridging a way to a more trusting relationship by not forcing the issue. Perhaps in time (maybe months, maybe years) with the building of a stronger relationship trust will develop and you will become a confidant. This happens in intact families too, maybe one child goes to one parent for birth control or condoms and it is a secret because the child doesn't want the other parent to know.

I think the difficulty comes in when you (as the person wanting confidentiality) are asking for payment because in that case I think it is reasonable if you are paying a bill you see the bill, if nothing else to confirm there is a bill, and you would need the bill to submit if you have a medical plan.

I don't think it is reasonable for either parent to know the details in a mature minor situation unless the minor chooses to disclose. For example if the teen is seeing a psychologist, they might not want to tell their parents what they talk about. I think that is totally understandable. The parent might see the bill for the psychologist but not know the detail. Totally reasonable. But if the teen doesn't want the parent to even know they are going to a psychologist, then I think they would have to eat the cost themselves, or just have one parent who does know about it pay for it, or if doesn't want anyone to know them probably have to go to school counselor or find a place with free counselling.

Another example what if teen wants birth control, but doesnt' want parents to know. Any medical professional will still prescribe birth control to a teen as a mature minor, and the teen would either have pay for it themselves, go to a birth control clinic to get free or cheaper birth control, give prescription to a parent to fill/receipt for reimbursement, or take it to the drug store they know the family uses and already has drug card information and get it filled themselves and hope parent never asks for a print off of all the family drug information.
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