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Old 06-21-2017, 11:46 AM
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Rioe Rioe is offline
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Originally Posted by pete360 View Post
She has sole custody (i was stupid not to get a lawyer during separation as i trusted she will do the right thing - so at the time i didn't know that "custody" and "residence" are 2 different things. I could have asked for "joint custody" but gave her "main residence") - yes i know, kicking myself for that now, but all i can do is plan forward, no way i can go back in time and change what i've done.

However, I already called the school and asked - they said no problem, as long as either parent authorizes it.

However, ESPECIALLY NOW knowing that i'm preparing for court, i want my hands 100% clean. So i'm putting up with a lot of crap as i want to go into court clean as a whistle.

I know that if i went ahead and made that change and let my finance go and pick them up, there would be hell to pay.

Do you think i SHOULD do that? Would the judge reprimand me for it? In an email format (not on separation agreement - it's completely outdated and doesn't reflect status quo) she says i have kids from Friday at 6PM. So if i go and pick them up any earlier, am i not doing the same thing she is? Breaching our agreement?
You have a kitchen table agreement done without legal advice or any true understanding of what you were signing. Even that agreement isn't working for you. You can't really stick to something that has no sticking power in the first place. In this instance, you CAN go back in time and redo it right, by going to court and getting a proper legal agreement, with joint custody and a fair division of time with the children that you can manage with the distance. Make sure it covers all holidays. Make sure as many exchanges as possible are done through the school.

Once you have that sorted out, THEN you can make future plans, like buying a home with a shorter commute to the children.

Buy duplicates of things like iPads and sports gear for your home. This is an investment in reducing your ex's ability to manipulate you.

Also, her threats that she has access to a free lawyer is intended to intimidate you into avoiding court. She knows she's not going to look good in court. If you do a proper offer to settle ahead of time which she refuses, she's going to end up paying for YOUR lawyer.
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