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Old 06-21-2017, 09:34 AM
pete360 pete360 is offline
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Hi Arabian,
I posted very little here because there is another thread that talks about my general problems with access and visitation. This particular post was only about my legal rights as a parent while the kids are with me; Noted that i should have mentioned that i have the kids for less than 4 days per month - good point, and thank you!

Since the law is black and white when it comes to legal rights of a visiting parent, i just wanted to see if anyone has gone through the same thing and has proper advice for me, because you're right: i would never put my kids in harm or do anything that is not in their best interest - hence posting on here so i don't go with what i think is right, but actually do what i know is legally right.

Since my distance is a sticking point to you, my kids cry and scream that they don't want to go to hobbies even when we're at their grandparents house (10 minutes away from their hobbies). No, their mother's house is not democratic in the least (to answer your question) but i'm not on here to trash my ex, i am simply asking about MY LEGAL RIGHTS.

Also, since "democracy" was a sticking point to you - i'm not saying that i leave everything up to the kids. Their basic necessities (meals, bed time, etc.) are not for a democratic debate. However, I do allow my kids to voice their opinion when it comes to how they would like to spend their time with dad, and what they would like to do. I'm also not saying that my democratic household is any better than my ex's dictatorship household - i'm simply saying that there are different types of parents, and just like i don't interfere in the way she raises the kids (even though i don't agree with it at all!), i am asking for the same respect (unsuccessfully).

There is a book that as recommended to me called "mommy's house, daddy's house" - i think we should all give it a read.

Yes, filing a motion in court is an absolute necessity; at first i was asking my ex for more time with the kids (pa and stat days, few extra weeks over summer, equal march break and xmas). After 8 months of war and not getting any of the above, she's now trying to take the little precious time i have with the kids by "pushing me for misbehaviour" (taking away days if i don't do exactly what she wants me to do). At this point i'm so deflated after 8 months of war that i would be happy just to get the little time i have with no input on how and what i do with them. Look how low my expectations have gotten - and even so! Can't seem to get that.

Hi Rioe,
thank you very much for your feedback; i tried every one of those things and have it all documented (including her threatening me with taking my fridays IF i don't take the kids to hobbies). I spent last 8 months fighting a war trying to get a little more access with the kids (which the kids are asking for as well) - example: pa days and stat holidays that fall on my weekend to be my weekend (unsuccessfully). divide xmas and march break fairly (unsuccessfully). Get a few extra weeks during summer (i got 1 week this summer after about 20 war-like emails and 3 month ordeal of asking - and i didn't even get the week i already booked off to be with them - she booked them into swimming, horse riding, camps without even discussing it with me, so i all i get is a week in august). I asked to take my kids away on holidays once per year (flat out refused).

I asked for all this via email. She first ignored my email for weeks then said i'm out of my mind, i'm crazy, my judgement is off. I asked her to sit down with the kids so all of us "as a family" can come up with a schedule that we think is fair for everyone (again, i was crazy to suggest that). Then i offered to sit down with her lawyer and my lawyer and do a mediation to come up with a fair schedule for everyone (nope). Then i told her that she leaves me no other choice than to go to court (she basically said "do what you have to do"). So we are here.(in the past she threaten me "if you take this to court, don't forget i have a free lawyer" - so i don't think she's too afraid or concerned of how much this is going to cost ME).

The kids asked to be with us over summer. When we finally last week told them that it doesn't look possible my D11 said: "Well mom offered you to have us first week of July but you didn't want to take us to swimming!" - i was floored! Swimming wasn't even discussed with me and since MARCH i've asked for the kids to be with me first week of July as i already have the week off! (i think you see where i'm going with this).

I never thought i was asking for much to begin with. I must lawyer up and go to court.

There, i think this may be sufficient information lol.
Thanks again everyone.
Lots to think about!
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