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Old 05-14-2017, 09:14 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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Default Gaslighting by judges and lawyers

How do other people deal with gaslighting by judges and their own lawyers?
What I mean is that both judges and lawyers will say one thing then the next time they say the polar opposite thing. It's driving me crazy and making it extremely difficult to make any concrete decisions moving forward.

For example: At two prior conferences the judge tells my ex not to even go there (crying alienation at trial). Because there is no evidence and he has no expert reports to back it up. Next conference same judge chews out my ex for his behaviour then turns to me and starts accusing me of being an alienator!? Nothing has changed in the meantime except another report but this one states the children are justifiably estranged from him and even during the marriage had a poor relationship with him. Ex is shaking his head and so am I.

Another example is a different judge who made an order that STBX could not remove certain items from the marital home. He does it anyway so at the next case conference she changes her order to allow it !?

Lawyers. I've had 5. This last one on and off for 6 years now.
I like him as a person and he's a brilliant lawyer. Knows his stuff...but...
For instance. He convinces me to do .....because he says that our file has been going on for way too long and because children are involved we are a priority. He says if I do .... with the kids then we will definitely go to trial at the next sittings.
Trial sittings come and go. We are NOT on the list. I never ever ever would have done ... had I known we were not going go to trial and that was 4 trial sittings ago!!!!!

The lawyer has manipulated me like this several times into doing something I did not want to do by promising if I did then we would go to trial.

I have no faith in the family court system. It's not even logical and makes no sense whatsoever. Good, co-operative behaviour by parents is not rewarded. It really doesn't get you anywhere. On the same token, bad behaviour is not punished and the one behaving badly often gets away with it which encourages more misbehaviour. The lawyers and judges talk out of both sides of their mouths at the same time. The rules are interpreted differently by the exact same judge a month later in court!? The judges also bend the rules or don't adhere to them at all ( for example the rule that your case conference judge is not supposed to be your motion judge).

How on earth are we mere mortals supposed to make these momentous life altering decisions when the rules are written in quicksand and you can't trust the judges or even your own lawyer?
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