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Old 05-08-2017, 06:17 PM
stripes stripes is offline
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Default I might have to go to court - last straw?

Hi everyone,

I'm thinking I may need to go to court. Here's the situation:

As most of the regulars know, I have shared parenting (50/50) of one child with ex. Ex has major addiction and mental illness problems, and is kind of a jerk in general. His issues have gotten much worse over the last year and a half (in and out of psych wards, rehab and couch-surfing), so that Kid has ended up living almost 100% with me.

Last week ex showed up drunk at Kid's school and tried to pick her up (he and I had agreed he would pick her up that day). Staff and other parents physically intervened to prevent him from driving away with her. They asked him to leave the premises, he refused and became argumentative, police were called. They removed him from the premises but did not charge him. I came and took Kid home. (Ex has now been banned from the premises).

I'm thinking that this may be the end of the road for shared parenting. I'm going to attempt mediation with ex because our order says we have to, but my goal is to have Kid legally residing primarily with me (and no, this is not all about child support. I've been paying ex offset for the past year while Kid was living with me). I am willing to facilitate lots of access for ex. If we can't come to an agreement in mediation, I am thinking that I will have to go to court to make an application to vary the order.

Questions:

Is this indeed a last straw? Ex will argue that I am being unfair and he should get another chance - after all, the police have only been called once, he'll make sure it doesn't happen again, etc etc.

Does anyone have any experience in parenting agreements with addicts? For example, I would like something in writing saying that he will not drive with her in the car - if he was caught last week trying to drive drunk with her, how many times was he not caught? Is this possible or reasonable?

I don't want to close the door completely on shared parenting if he somehow manages to get his act together. Any ideas for how to word a clause saying "if you're able to demonstrate that you're a competent adult, we can revisit parenting"? How would I be able to determine whether his act is together?

Tips or thoughts very welcome.
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