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Old 03-24-2017, 12:49 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Default how do you detach from the legal aspect

My partner struggles with this and hes not even in litigation. I constantly have to remind him that allowing it to consume him mentally is impacting him physically and also his emotional connections to those around him. He is consumed with how his ex's behaviour is "wrong" and cant comprehend why she would want to do these things to his kids. He doesn't realize that his ex thinks shes doing what is right and there is no arguing against it. I finally put my foot down after he had let her owing him money consume him for several months. He wasnt sleeping, was having anxiety attacks, lashed out at his friends and coworkers etc. He saw it as he was stressed out and I didnt understand. I finally was able to make him see that this thin thread he was hanging onto was just going to break and leave him with nothing. Since that point he has been trying to detach and focus on things he enjoys. And also focusing on his physical health. Eating better, exercising, getting more sleep. He still worries but he tries to leave those things he cant control aside. This is done by spending 20 mins talking about what he would like to do and working through potential results. I have seen a marked improvement in his happiness level and also his physical health. Its not perfect but we both stop when we see ourselves falling into that hole of "why is she doing x". Its almost like refocusing on something positive.

I know this may not be easy for those in litigation but my best suggestion is to limit yourself to a few minutes a day where you will think/talk about it and then move on. Spend your free moments focusing on positive aspects like weekend plans, summer plans etc. Go outside and get some fresh air. Spend time with your kids. Yes it sucks what your ex is doing and they are the ones who will suffer the consequences of their decisions. Your kids will have the positive aspect of your "fight" rather than the negative aspect.

Bottom line is you HAVE to detach. Find a way to do so whether its big or small but do so. Otherwise it will consume you and possibly shorten your life.

ETA: I sent my partner to our local family services several years ago. He had been divorced (and still fighting) with his ex, had moved, had lost his job and was in the beginning stages of parental alienation. I couldn't reach him and told him if he didn't see someone to talk I would end our relationship because I couldn't watch him continue to suffer. He got some very helpful tips and tricks to deal with what was happening. He still leans on those today when necessary. Talk therapy is not a bad thing and it does not mean you have a problem with yourself. It is simply a tool to deal with the problem of your divorce and helps you cope.

Last edited by rockscan; 03-24-2017 at 12:53 PM.
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