Thread: My Background
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Old 03-16-2017, 11:45 AM
Soiled Soiled is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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Default My Background

Going to make an introduction thread for myself, as a conversation I participated in another thread ended up getting derailed due to questions and advice given to me as a result of a few statements I made about my own situation.

Both my former spouse and I are employed with the military. She is from the hill-billy area of Quebec, and I am from Edmonton.
2005 - Met and started dating in Kingston ON
2007 - Married
2008 - Son born
- Moved to Halifax due to posting
2010 - Daughter born
2011 - Moved to Edmonton due to posting (house purchased)
2012 - Seperated

She initiated the seperation. For a year or so prior she had been making noises about wanting to quit her job and be a stay at home mom, I refused that idea as our finances would not make that practical, as she really enjoyed spending money. Sometime around February of 2012 she decided she wanted to make a massive change in her life. She wanted a divorce, to move back to her hometown in Quebec, and to take the kids with her. She initially proposed that I go with her, but as the people there survive pretty much off of welfare I wanted no part in raising my kids on welfare in an area with no job prospects for them when they grew up, and I again refused. Her stated plan once I refused, was to move out there with the kids, and live off of a combination of welfare, child support, and spousal support.

I was pretty fortunate in that I found this forum pretty early on, and while I didn't post, I read a ridiculous amount of threads on any subject remotely related to mine, which helped to shape a lot of my decisions from that point on.

From about Feb 2012-Apr 2012 we lived in the same house, I took on a room in the basement, and started keeping notes of the general daily happenings in the house, as well as informing her that I would be recording all of our interactions, which had the effect of keeping her on pretty good behaviour and possibly preventing that false accusation crap that seems to happen so often. During this time she also put in her release from the military, which takes 6 months.

In Apr she realized that the court process wasn't going to happen quickly, and that I wasn't just going to roll over and let her remove me from the childrens lives. She wanted me to move out of the house and get my own place. I'll admit, at this point I took advantage of her desperate belief that she would get everything she wanted because, in her words, "I'm the mom and no judge would ever seperate a child from their mom". I told her that if she intends to move back to Quebec, then regardless of what happens I'll be staying in the home, and it didnt make sense for me to leave it. She found herself a place to move to and was out of the house a week later.
Prior to her leaving the house I had convinced her that the kids are supposed to stay in the marital home, but that I would be willing to go with a 50/50 schedule with her for the kids, where they would stay with one of us for a week, and then go to the other parent for a week. Status quo of 50/50 was established at this point, and I'm sure her lawyer face palmed when she told him...

At this point it dragged out a few more months, until about 3 weeks before her release date from the military. I believe a combination of factors happened:

1) Her finances were likely in shambles, as she rented a ridiculously expensive apartment, and delighted in sending angry lawyer letters on a weekly basis.
2) In combination with the finances being screwed, she was about the quit her job and didn't have anything else lined up, as her focus was on just getting back to Quebec
3) She realized that the courts don't move quickly, and this would take a great deal more time
4) Nobody seemed to support her decisions

She approached me about just coming up with a seperation agreement to carry on with the arrangment we had already established. I of course was more than happy to go along with that. She had her lawyer draw one up, it went back and forth a few times with some changes, it was signed and done with, and she cancelled her release from the military.
So in the end, everything worked out with:
- 50/50 week on, week off, joint custody.
- I kept the house, which seems rare for men. To do so I ended up taking on pretty much all the marital debt (vehicle, credit card, etc), and still ended up having to pay her out about $10,000.00 in equilization.
- Child support, we didn't want to have even mentioned, but of course ended up being forced to have it in there, it's offset $1/mth to her. We don't bother with it, and don't update it.

Mobility - This was a big one for me, as in my view, she had basically tried to dump me out of the kids lives and move across the country. I'd seen a few threads, and cases on CanLi where parents play games with the kids moving all over that 50km radius of the city (or whatever the limit is). As we both live in a small city outside of Edmonton, Fort Saskatchewan, I figured out what seems to be the simplest way to avoid those games and drama. Our seperation agreement, and now divorce order, states quite simply that "The children will attend school in Fort Saskatchewan." The ex-wife or I can move wherever the heck we want, and can have the kids live there with us, so long as we are willing to get them to their school in Fort Sask.

Long post, if its unclear in an area let me know and I can clarify, I was going off of memory on events that occurred years ago.
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