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Old 01-29-2017, 11:47 AM
Ange71727 Ange71727 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
And here we're trying to determine who gets to decide what's best for the kids? Warring parents who's subjectivity overamplify negative qualities and minimize good qualities of the OP? Naaa....Judges who have to sift through 100 affidavits of garbage and somehow decide? Naaa. I think Tayken had it correct when he mentioned including more mental health pro's.

Tayken, myslef and a million readers arn't biased in favor of 50/50, we're looking at the "facts" and seems to us that in many case it is actually the best scenario for many reasons.

You keep saying it's not always best for the kids....and we'll KEEP agreeing.
We're talking about "in general".


Can you see how you're disallowing the 40% threshold (1 day) sure looks like you're avoiding it for financial reason also?

Did you read my caselaw. The mom there tried the same thing, saying he stopped paying CS in order to pressure her in to 50/50. The judge slammed her and gave him 50/50.

Yes of course some do it for money....peeps who dont want the OP to reach the 40% included or else CS would be affected(Hmmm). Hey...some people even vote for Trump. All sorts of people out there. It's important that you understand that we're talking in general terms....not everybody.


Or spending thousands in court trying to have an equal relationship with his kids. Have you followed your ex daily? You know he parties every night? Even if he did....he's been at 50/50 for 8 YEARS...so he's not sleeping or partying that much...try again. Have you ever made a mistake? Have you ever partied or slept in? Should we not allow you an equal relationship with your kids?

How can you hate someone, point out every bad quality, say he's "HARMED" your kids for 8 years....but let him be there at almost 50/50 for 8 years.....the second he wants a bit more time for an equal relationship ...BOOM...lets spend our kids education money in court? Yes...this crap is making me biased...it's disgusting to me....sorry.


Put your thinking cap on becasue Im going to ask you a zinger here.

Imagine that it was you who made some poor decisions VERY EARLY (remember he's been involved for 8 years...your argument is digging deep...for nothing...the judge won't want to discuss who changed diapers more...they're almost teens.).

You wake up one day with your pillow case soaked in tears and you want to be the best parent that you can. SO you do. You're now in the kids lives for 8 years at almost 50/50 and you LOVE it. You finally get the reno's done on your home, you have a good, stable relationship with your new partner...and just want an equal relationship with our kids.

Ange.......should your ex give you a chance for that extra day or 2? Or go to a big, expensive war with you? Which one is it?


Routine won't be changed much. He's been almost 50/50 for 8 years already.

Also, their routines will be changing big time as they transition in to teenagehood ...trust me. They'll need the support of both parents as much as possible.


Especially if one parent speaks negatively of the other parent and records them. Parents have to try VERY hard to keep their personal feelings aside.


Do you actually read the posts? I'll give you $1000 if you can find any post where I said "Maximum Contact" is ALWAYS best. Never said that...geez.

It's not absolute...but preferred in a vast majority of cases and backed up by an insurmountable amount of literature. There's a reason parliament has coined it the single most important component in which to consider.


Yes, every case has to be analyzed ..... but in GENERAL, based on the literature, parliament, caselaw etc...it's the best way to go.

What I don't want are posters reading your story and thinking that they have to have a huge, costly court battle over a few days extra access becasue they ca't stand the notion of dad being an equal parent.

Where's the CAS records? Where's the 24(4) violence and history of past abuse? Those are the tests that the judges rely on the most in considering on'es ability to act as a parent.

You need to stop making it sound like he just entered the kids life. He's been here for 8 years almost 50/50....very involved father. The kids are hitting turbulent teens soon and will need to confide in you both as much as possible. I would argue that as an MCC to the core.


Awesome....so you're not hung up on "quantity"...so give him an equal relationship then and focus on the quality. (If you want to deny him more access, I wouldn't say what you just said in court....or the judge will reply with what I said.

Now, lets bounce back to the literature regarding quality Vs. Quantity:

Quality Vs. Quantity:

Interestingly, many studies showed that "QUALITY" was directly correlated with "QUANTITY" of time kids spend with parent.

Bauserman, R. (2012) and Fabricius, W.V. et al (2011) found that:


Here are some findings:


Again, these studies have been replicated many many times and across different cultures, so they're highly reliable and valid.

Just be careful before assuming quality is better than quantity. If you really feel that then who cares about the "quantity" that you ex has with the kids anyways...stop denying him equal relationship.

Kids are entering the wonderful years of teenagehood .. a new chapter in life. Let dad be an equal parent in that new chapter. He's begging to be.


Yes, but in general, they thrive best when there is maximum contact with both parents. That's not just my opinion ... it's being supported by a ton of material. (remember, in general...not for everyone...not absolute). If I have to hear one more time "It's not for every child"..lol gah! We KNOW it's not for every child...but in general!


Sources:
Bauserman, R. (2012). "A meta-analysis of parental satisfaction, adjustment, and conflict in joint custody and sole custody following divorce," Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, 53, 464-488.

Fabricius, W.V. et al (2011). “Parenting time, parent conflict, parent-child relationships, and children’s physical health.” In Kuehnle, K. & Drozd, L. (Eds.), Parenting Plan Evaluations: Applied Research for the Family Court. New York: Oxford University Press.


Just to be clear - my ex hasn't been "almost" at 50-50 for 8 years. The reason why I asked about calculating access time a couple weeks ago is because I wanted to verify the percentages. It is NOT a matter of adding one day in my case. It's not even a matter of adding two. It is a matter of completely changing a schedule that is working and the kids are happy with. All to suit his shift work schedule.
There is just too much here to respond to LF and we are going to have to disagree. You will never convince me that my ex has good intentions. I know my case best. We should probably just stop talking about it. I am not the only poster who is willing to go to court to maintain a status quo arrangement for the kids that I feel is in their best interests. You are worried that other posters might see this and think they can become "gatekeepers" as well (as you put it, I don't actually think that) but not every "denier" is doing it because they hate their ex.
It just irks me that you assume the worst for me (I'm just out for money) and you assume the best for him (he's crying into his pillow about missing his kids). There are lots of parents who worry that changing access arrangements will be a big mistake. As I look at it, the kids are happy and healthy and thriving. If they weren't I would want to change things. Who knows - maybe in the future it will change. Right now I am not comfortable with it. That's it and I'm not ashamed or afraid to say it even though there are many angry dads on here.
One more thing - a HUGE piece of this puzzle you don't talk about is the current relationship the kids have with each parent. This is a dynamic you know nothing of in my situation specifically (and I haven't spoken of much) that MUST be considered. A judge will look into this piece for sure.


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