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Old 10-30-2016, 02:16 PM
keebler keebler is offline
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Default New and scared, case conference tomorrow

Case conference Tomorrow

Together almost 20 years
We have three kids
When together we over spent
When we separated I over spent more than my ex. (mostly to the kids) so she didnít have to.
50/50 access
We separated in 2012. When we separated, we agreed that I would work harder to find a way to make extra income through overtime ectÖ. and that was to pay for the cost of separating and setting up two homes etcÖ. She agreed that that was necessary and wouldnít make a claim for additional child support because we all knew where the money was going and why.

I constantly kept her updated through conversations mostly and some emails regarding income updates and set backs.

At the time of separation both our incomes were based on base salary.

Based on that base salary, the table amount for child support was 1000/month. We shared custody and access 50/50.

The ex stayed in the mat home, I paid $1820.00 a month for two years.

My ex wouldn't participate in drafting a sep agreement.

My financial debt was getting and then got unmanageable and as part of the usual updates my ex was aware.

When it got to point were it was going to threatening the ability of transferring the mat. home to her, she was now willing for the first time to draft a separation agreement (for two years I had been attempting to but she wouldnít engage and I was afraid of and didnít want to go to court)

So now, two years after separation, a sep. agreement is drafted for me to pay 1400 a month (400 over the table amount in child support, so she would qualify for the mortgage of the mat home) with a provision that I would pay that for 12 years until 2024. I signed over the mat home as part of the separation agreement and equalization. Even though I should have sold the house, I saw this as a win because I went down from 1820 a month to 1400 a month, my ex would keep the house and there for my kids would be ok and stable and not have to move from the community and school etc. My now not so new partner would move to Town and together we would maintain and rebuild. The separation agreement was never filed.

***Her part of the agreement was she was to file the divorce and i was to proceed uncontested.****

She didnít complete the divorce. I didnít realize (I know dumb) and when I finally followed up it was too late and I had not answered her application and had no standing in the court and it expired.

Still overpaying in support, still spending too much on the kids, my financial situation worsened again.

So now no divorce
No stability for me (tons for my ex)
No not so new partner not going to move to town because of lack of stability. (why would she really)
No combining finances to live in the same area as my kids.
Being evicted for rent arrears
Not able to sustain or maintain 50/50 access.
No family to move in with.
Filed a consumer proposal to settle debt.
Falling behind in section 7 exp. despite requests to change some of them to more affordable)
Bad credit
No first and Last months
Cost of living in that town too high

So my now not so new partner, said I could live with her rent free for a year, I could finalize the divorce, we could move back then. However as stated, that was in a different town (a 160 km away).

I moved to the town my new partner was in and now live with there. I have no other investments except a pension, bruised credit, no savings, significantly increased commuting costs to get to work. very little cash flow. Still havenít missed a child support payment (based on the separation agreement amount). See the kids every other weekend, meet them for lunches and go to their functions.

During the time my income increased because of overtime, my ex knew what was happening, when I moved out of town, my ex never asked for additional child support as a result of the change of access. ( however since have learned that she was using as a threat to leverage me in other ways) what she wanted for me to return (after having significantly sabotage it) and "pick up the slackĒ or elseÖ I couldnít move back until the divorce was settle. She stopped participating so I then started the process back up and filed the application for divorce.

As mention, I was always communicating what I was making and the financial troubles as well. I got financial counselling and started living more and more within my means. However my ex not so much.

Ex still wants me to move back and take up ďmy fair shareĒ of 50/50 access because now she is tired. still wonít follow through with the divorce, I still canít afford to move and live there by myself.

So I filed for divorce and she answered and I replied to her answer and now we have a case conference.

I have lived away for a year and a half.

She is claiming retro child support for that year she had full access, and lump sum payment for sect. 7 arrears (let say for example itís 23,000 all told)

Before I had to leave town, I had overpaid letís say for example 24,000 in support, took care of my debts, successfully transferred the mat home to her, did the lion share of taking the kids to events, coached them in their extra stuff and otherwise was the one to look after them when they were sick.

First three years i over paid 24,000
Last year and a half her expenses total 23,000
Does this matter in court?

I have no other assets except my pension (she is getting a portion of that as well) bruised credit, no savings. I donít know how I am going to pay what she is claiming ( I offered to pay it through a pension carve out but she refused, she needs the money now).

Remember we both use to over spend. I have stopped now and herís is coming to light and as a result, her debt has increased.

Also one of the kids is 18 now and looking at the trades and likely to get an apprenticeship. He has a part time job now and attending a specialized program at a high school this last year designed to get an apprenticeship. She is also claiming full table amount child support for all three kids now because I haven't moved back. She is also claiming the support in arrears for the last year I was able to get overtime and or the average of the last three years that my income had increased because of overtime.

The number she is requesting in arrears for child support and sect 7 are for argument sake about 23,000. Before I left town, I over paid for argument sake 24,000. would a judge see that and consider it a wash that I overpaid that amount prior to leaving even though I had no intention of ever leaving.

I want to be with my kids, ex isnít going to up root herself and her kids with out a divorce finalized (makes sense), ex wonít settle the divorce. I donít have the lump sum she is looking for.

All of this would not have even happened if she had filed the divorce when she was suppose to. Her reason was she didnít want to finish filing it because she wanted to stay on my benefits for counselling (which I didnít mind if she would have just continued to settle the divorce)

I am not sure what to expect or what should even happen here. I am a believer in child support and donít mind paying it. I am really upset that I couldnít afford to stay there and access my kids. And even more upset that the damage is done and with the passing of time it becomes less and less likely I could ever afford to move back with my not so new now partner.

My ex is even less likely to move to a more affordable townÖ. not to mention how that would impact the kids.

Areas I am looking for guidance on are, what if any weight is placed on the Separation Agreement regarding her not finishing the divorce case the ripple affect of everything else falling apart. Is there any responsibility for that given to her and what impact would the Judge give in terms of settling?

Regarding the Federal child support guidelines, my 18 year old son, has a job, is in a specialized program to get an apprentice, if he getís one will be well employed and attending school and able to collected unemployment ins in the times he is in class and not working on job sites. In helping him with lifeskill, He has been paying for his own cell phone now, his own clothes and mostly his own food when he is working and at school. This has significantly reduced what my ex requires regarding support.

Are these considered acceptable circumstances a judge could consider under Sect 3(1)(a)(b) and 3(2)(B) under the Federal support guidelines of the The divorce act. Again itís not because I donít want to pay, itís about trying to do the right thing for my son. (all of which should have been what would happen had we been together given our income levels)

Also because I signed over the matrimonial home, over paid in support payments by nearly double for three years to ease with the transition, is there any application of section 15,1 (5) (a) (b) in determining either amounts owing for child support because of the changed access or current support amounts to be determined base on the new access situation and because we had a separation agreement and I have not missed any of the specified child support payments and in the separation agreement I agreed to keep paying that amount until 2024 regardless because she needed the stability to qualify for a mortgage? I needed for my kids to be stable. ( my kids at that point would be 19, 25 and 28.) ( would this also potentially be considered special provisions)

Having said everything here, I would gladly pay through my pension carve the amounts she is requesting in arrears and maintain the 1400 a month until 2024. However she wants the money now and wants to up the monthly amount to 1800 until 2024. Even if I wanted to I don't think I could afford that reasonably... I guess I will ultimately do what I am ordered to... it's just really tight.

Any suggestions?
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