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Old 12-23-2015, 10:56 PM
ele110 ele110 is offline
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Originally Posted by joehobo View Post
I actually thought the Divorce part would be more anti-climatic than it has been. I've been quite happy on my own for the last 8 mths. But... This last week a couple things hit home. The Divorce is final... and I found out via a tangential post on FB that some guy has been sleeping over at my Ex's new house on the off weeks (we are 50/50). OK, this was going to happen sometime, I realize that. Reality bites though. The dope either is stupid (my kids have FB and would see this)... or is asserting dominance.
In either case... it was a bit of a slapback. I thought I had processed the split pretty good. I really am in a better space than the last 3-4 years of her passive aggressive weirdness. The divorce has been textbook perfect (we function very co-operatively and have been truly reasonable about everything... even to the point of co-ording the $$ spend on the kids and balancing $ and gifts with each other this Christmas). I KNOW she could have taken me to the cleaners.. but she didn't.

Yet... her being with another guy is really f*ing with me. I'm out shopping and I cast back to the days (not that long ago) when we functioned strong as a couple and family. Christmas was the best time of year. I still can't tack down where the hell it messed up. I see couples and families out shopping, and I think.. that was us. And now its not.

I'm trying not wallowing in self-pity. I've got a bit of something-something going on myself (IMHO, waaaay better than she ever was).... but I still look at 20 years of history, and I was Happy. I would have done almost anything to fix whatever issues that she had (she never brought them up until well after it was clear she was done and it was unfixable). I still harbour anger that she forced my hand... I was crazy-mad in-love with her, and I was the one that in the end had to say that I wanted a divorce.

So I'm now facing the first Christmas alone in my entire life (kids go to her place on Xmas day). Its not going to sink me... I've got junk planned ( going to Star Wars on Xmas day... preparing a nice meal for myself after that.... Santa's bringing a new PS4 and some cool games. And there is wine. Sweet Wine.
So I'm going to be busy. Its just going to suck.
Yes, it does suck! I can totally relate to how you feel. I went through the same.
Keep yourself and your mind busy with something you like doing, maybe a sport or a hobby. Something that takes you out of the house Do something exciting for yourself. If you feel ready, start dating this could also be very exciting. But keep the kids out of it.
Don't worry about how happy what other couples are doing. Worry about your own happiness. Make it happen. All the best and Merry Christmas.
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