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Old 12-23-2015, 09:02 PM
stripes stripes is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,838
stripes is on a distinguished road

I think it's normal to be a bit thrown off course by learning that your ex has met someone else, no matter how much you yourself may have moved on. This person (the ex) was your whole world once upon a time (especially if you had a good marriage that went bad, a distinct from one that was bad from the start), and that leaves a strong emotional imprint, no mature how much you dislike the person now.

I remember finding out that my ex had a new gf (thanks a million, Facebook) when I was stuck in an airport on a layover and surfing FB out of boredom - it really hit me, even though I had absolutely no ambivalence about the end of the marriage. I still had a reaction of "hey, you're not supposed to be snuggling up to other people!" even though I knew it was irrational. Part of this was because I hadn't gotten back into dating myself (it was quite soon after the marriage ended and I knew I wasn't emotionally ready to be close to someone else). (And as it happens, the gf, now his second wife, is someone he met through my work and from the hints other people have dropped, it sounds like the two of them were shagging before we split up).

Fast forward a couple of years and I'm in a happy committed relationship with someone who is stable, grounded, and thinks I'm wonderful. The ex's remarriage no longer affects me at all. The new wife seems to have been a stabilizing influence on the ex, and his erratic behaviour has calmed down somewhat. So it all works out.

Also, just remember when you see all the happy families doing their Christmas shopping, you're seeing a facade. Many of them are miserable, anxious, and unhappy, but keeping up appearances because that's what they believe they have to do at this time of year. If you're on your own, you're in good company.
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