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Old 10-15-2014, 01:42 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Done. X has control. And I "should" subject myself to ongoing assaults because X can and will do what X wants..?
Assaults? I'm assuming these assaults aren't physical...if they are, he'd be digging his own grave.

If you're discussing verbal assaults...no, you don't subject yourself to them...you save the hostile correspondence for court and don't bother responding to them. You're a grown woman and I'm sure you're capable of not sinking to his level. You don't answer what's not relevant.

At the beginning of my divorce, I had hostile emails from my ex. Didn't bother me, I simply hit filed them to my "douche" mail folder to use for court and didn't bother answering. Needless to say, he stopped sending them pretty quick since I didn't bother to lower myself to respond to them.

Personally, out of the text exchange you posted, I saw nothing hostile or assaulting in anything he said. What I saw was him clarifying the same thing to you repeatedly because I assume he wanted to make sure that the children were at the exchange since you were trying to put conditions on him that he didn't agree with.

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Time frame by the messages I received following pick-up when phone / computer were turned off.
The kids being in his car is irrelevant.

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X is irrupted whether I respond or not. I hope sex will be available soon, even if it's hired.
lol...You're right, sometimes this does help.

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and, sadly, X won on that one about the third-party involvement that was important to me.
Its really not about winning and losing. Its about you recognizing that you cannot tell him what to do. Your responses lead me to believe you really don't get that you can't control his behavior...only your own.

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X has refused any recommended counselling to my knowledge by various professionals, and that would also be a trait of a narcissist.
Again, just because you think he should go to counselling doesn't mean he has to go do it. I wouldn't go to counselling either...I don't think that makes me a narcissist. The real question is why do you think you know what's best for him to do better than he does and why do you think your opinion on such issues is relevant? Again, what he does isn't your business. Concentrate on you.

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I'm simply climbing out of a legal hole that was unwarranted, and falsely established. Simple as that. I'm certain many of you have similar experiences?
I've had a similar experience. My ex filed for sole custody and accused me of everything from being a drug addict to being a chronic masturbator.

I never bothered to stoop to his level. I would simply blanket deny pages of accusations from him with a one-liner in my response affidavit and move forward by trying to prove why I was a good parent. I never attacked him...it was unnecessary. As a result, I was successful in court.

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As I've indicated, I am not perfect. I do not know how to deal with X as X has proven to be a complete stranger with the worst traits and with incredible power (political, legal, financial, etc). X always gets what X wants, beginning with our first meeting (saved for another day).. But I am standing, and I will stand up without shaking as I learn / reclaim my innermost strength that got me through a lifetime of experience.
People have power over your life when you grant them that power.

You can spend the rest of your life blaming him for everything that went wrong with regard to your marriage, divorce and loss of custody....or you can start recognizing the truth. And the truth is that a lot of what happens to us in life, we do have some level of control over....not all...but a lot of it.

The problem for most of us is that its a whole lot easier to blame everything on someone else and make ourselves victims than to take responsibility for our own behavior and admit that we sometimes participate in our own demise. But the great thing about taking responsibility for your own mistakes where you can is that you can fix that. You can't fix being a victim of something.

My point is that I don't think your ex had incredible legal power. If your messages here are any indication, you probably had some major missteps in the way you handled your divorce litigation. Judges get tired of dealing with certain personalities traits in some resistant litigants and it can be very detrimental to their cases.

I truly hope that the counselling helps you gain some perspective on past, present and future.
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