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Old 10-20-2012, 02:26 PM
Unevenplayingground Unevenplayingground is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wife#2 View Post
Uneven, I understand your situation. Personally, I think dropping it was a good idea. I find it would have been nearly impossible for a man to prove the child should be with him, change status quo, against OCL, and a change of province to boot! Im sure you would have lost, and had to pay costs.
Also, I completely understand about the child changing his mind on where he wants to live. Exactly same thing happened to us. Child wanted to be with us for over a year. The exact week the child met OCL SW, starting acting completely different. Over the course of a few weeks, child changed completely. He went from calling his father every single day while he was at his mother's house, to never. He started calling mom every single day from our house, never had before (or extremely rarely). Starting telling dad and me, 'I'm no longer comfortable when dad works'. (funny, the ex's main complaint!). When we spoke with child he started crying, said, and I quote, 'I'm upset over the reason the OCL worker is here, but I can't talk about'. Later he tells us that his mother, grandma, brother told him he must call everyday because 'mom cries everyday when I'm not there'. I can go on and on with stories like this. We told the OCL all of this, as it was happening at the time of their investigation. His response, 'child often act differently when someone new is in their life'. Thats great, thanks. Also, OCL did not put any of these, or our many other concerns in their report. Was a mess.
It is a really frustrating process. We would not talk about the case with my step-son. The only thing we would ever say is that he had to be clear on what he wanted and it is ok if he wanted to stay with his mom. We didn't like it but agreed that he was almost 12 and he can communicate to us if there is a problem. We knew that he was being manipulated beyond belief by the mother. Keep in mind, she isn't able to respond to this, so you only have my word on the events. We have had him call his mother when he arrives with us so (so she knows he got here ok) she doesn't answer the phone, then almost a week later calls to yell at him for not calling. There is a lot of manipulation on her part, but after this whole ordeal we are exhausted. They system failed us (in our opinion only). We thought we were prepared, we thought as long as we told the truth when giving our reasons that his son would make the move. Another thing is, his son always said he wanted to move with us, he was even the one that told his mother that. It took a lot of guts for a kid to say that to a parent, and through this whole experience, he learned he didn't have a voice. Now in the end, we were told by the OCL/social worker he said he didn't care where he lived. We have never asked him, because we don't want to put him through that.

I just feel like being a woman helps, your lawyer, the OCL/social worker you get, the judge you get if you go to trial, it all comes into play. We also think the more deceitful you are can really help. We played fair and lost. No, this isn't everybody's final outcome, but we definately feel the system on a whole failed us, and that as much as we did try, we also were not educated enough, but that was why we hired our lawyer. We knew we had no idea what to do.

When all is said and done, I am still confused on the process.
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